How to Be a Better Boyfriend/Husband
Find out how she likes to be loved by reading this book with her:The Five Love Languages
Don’t have time to read it? Take the 30 Second Quiz with her: Here
When she takes the quiz, you’ll find out her top love language. If you read the book, you’ll also find out where the others rank. For example, my top love language is Affirmation, followed Affection, Acts of Service, and Quality Time. Gifts rank last for me:
1. Affirmation
2. Affection
3. Acts of Service
4. Quality Time
5. Gifts
Having this knowledge is a really power tool. See, if I dated a guy who just kept on bringing gifts but never complimented me or verbalized his appreciation, he’d be spending money unnecessarily and I still wouldn’t feel satisfied in the relationship. I’d take adoring words over jewelry. But every person is different! There’s a place for all these love languages, it’s just a matter of figuring out which ones your significant other appreciates the most so you can put more energy into delivering those.
Here are some specific ways you can speak these five love languages: (Most of these are from my former boyfriends! So I know for a fact they will be appreciated!)
Acts of Service:
When you’re walking on the side of the road with her, be a gentleman and move over to the dangerous side of the road so she feels protected. Offer to carry her backpack.
Buy her lunch and bring it to her work, even if (especially if) it’s out of your way.
Help her with a project she has from school or work without having to be asked. Just say, “I want to help. What can I do?”
Gifts:
Surprise her with flowers at her work on a random, insignificant anniversary! My ex chose 2 months! Extra points because he got roses that were yellow with red tips. (knowing I wasn’t too hot on the red ones)
Write her a love note. Written by hand.
Buy her favorite candy and hide it somewhere where she’ll be sure to find it later.
Make her a cd of songs and tell her “I think of you whenever I hear these songs. Now you can think of me thinking of you when you hear them.” If you can sing, make the last track of you singing a song you wrote for her. If you can’t sing, talk to her on the last track and tell her what you love about her.
Affirmation:
Tell her, “You had me at hello.” (If it’s really true)
Whatever you’re thinking in your head, whenever you notice something about her that is wonderful, beautiful, admirable, adorable, sexy, cute (anything positive) or that makes you happy and grateful…. just say it out loud.
You can’t assume just because you think it, we know it. Appreciation is worthless unless it’s verbalized. All our effort to look beautiful and to be amazing is to get your attention. So if you notice, say something!
Tell her, “I love the way your mind works.” (if you really think that way)
Affection:
Surprise her by hugging her from behind and kissing her cheek whenever she’s not looking.
Spontaneously grab her hand in public, bring it to your face, and kiss it while you look into her eyes.
Let her lay on your lap when you’re watching a movie and play with her hair. (EVERY girl LOVES this!!!!)
When you’re in public, whisper in her ear. Believe me, this is affection. The proximity of your mouth to our ears and the heat of your breath…. It’ll make us wish we weren’t in public!
Don’t limit your kisses to our lips. Kiss us on the forehead, on the nose, on our cheeks.
Put on some music, turn down the lights in the living room, and lead us in a slow dance. (We will melt in your arms!)
Quality Time:
Once in a while, when your friends want you to play basketball, tell her you’d rather spend time with her.
Remember you don’t have to be doing anything to enjoy each other’s company. Girls just like to be heard. They like to talk. They like to share their thoughts and feelings. Men don’t feel this way as often or as much.
It isn’t quality time if the tv is on. It isn’t quality time unless she has your undivided attention.
Sit on the hammock together.
Watch the sunrise.
Stay up a little longer in bed and just talk.
You may not have this great of a need to talk or be heard. Part of loving her is acknowledging this need and providing it for her even if you don’t understand it or need it in return.
I guarantee if you find out her love language and start putting these things into practice, she will be happier! And for those of you who are married, you know the saying, Happy wife, happy life!
February 21st, 2009 at 8:50 am
I think we all need a little bit of the 5 love languages. It’s just if one of them, the most significant one to the individual, is significantly absent will we be unable to feel love from a partner.
August 13th, 2009 at 5:46 am
What do I do if I’m feeling jealous when my girlfriend spends time with her friends
August 13th, 2009 at 8:51 am
Well Ivan, ask yourself, what is the reason behind your jealousy? Are you worried that one of her friends like her? Are they male friends? If that’s not the case, if they are only females, then ask yourself is it because you feel like she puts them as a higher priority than you? It’s important to find out the WHY behind the jealousy so you can sort these things out. I have a friend who’s boyfriend gets jealous when she hangs out with her female friends even and it’s sad because she’s really in love with him. He has no reason to feel jealous. The thing is that he doesn’t have any other friends beside her so that’s why he feels jealous. He needs to expand his social circle so she’s not his entire world. Couples need to have friends besides each other.
August 29th, 2009 at 11:25 pm
I am concerned about my own actions! I am a college student who is attending school in MO from NY. I dont have any ties to this community that the school is in. The last few weeks of the spring 2009 semester I met an amazing girl. She took my breath away the second I met her. However it was the last few weeks of the semester. The summer months I spent here at the school and she went home (an hour away), we hardly saw each other because niether had a car at this time. We text msg (thousands of times a day, literally), and chatted online when we were not texting. We did see each other during the summer). I have never been in a relationship of this caliber where I want nothing more than to be with this woman. Yet I often feel like the feelings are not reciprecated, even though I think that they are. I got so insecure during the summer months that I keylogged her computer (a program that monitors the keystokes), and because I can not lie I told her about it. I read(past tense, and kind of present tense) her text messages behind her back and in front of her. I did find somethings that suggested unfaithfulness, but they did not fan out. I invaded her privacy and yet she is still in a relationship with me, she has forgiven me of my inequities.
For my part I have done sooo much for her, I even sat out the fall semester so that she can attend the university in my stead. I have tried romance, horseback riding-something she has never done before and wanted to do-, getter her gifts, and the smalls things, like a note or a video clip to bring her mood up, flowers just because, I even ran 20 miles one time just because she was not feeling well and I wanted to cheer her up (in a storm).
I hardly get these little things
I lost friends and even family during the summer, and dont have any other connections anymore here in MO except her.
She and I are great Monday through Friday, but when she goes home on the weekends I seem to get crazy. We fight when she tells me she is out with her friends, or out with others. I think we fought just about everytime she has gone out with, or stayed in and drank!
Is there something wrong with me?
August 31st, 2009 at 8:33 am
Hi Joseph, there is nothing wrong with you. On one hand your grand gestures of love are admirable. On the other hand, you cannot make this woman your world. It will only negatively impact both you, her and your relationship. She can be the one for you but she cannot be your only lifeline. You need friends of your own. You need a support system besides the woman in your life. You need a life outside of her. When men make their woman their only social outlet, they become possessive, controling, jealous… None of which are attractive. The women they are with start to question, “Why doesn’t this guy have friends?” Believe me, it is hard to date a loner. I’ve done it before. It was draining. At first it was flattering. I felt like he had let me into his world, a world that nobody else had been able to penetrate. But the problem is that once I entered that world, I could not bring my community into it. I lost friends in this process. A significant other should ADD to a person’s life, not take away from it. Time apart is healthy and necessary. It will make the time together that much more special. A girl need her time to be with her friends, family and coworkers without having to feel guilty or like she’s doing something wrong. You cannot be her everything. And she cannot be your everything. It is unhealthy and dangerous for your relationship to isolate yourselves from the world.
October 6th, 2009 at 3:38 pm
What do I do if I’m always getting mad when she leaves for a few days to go see her family?
October 7th, 2009 at 8:29 am
Hi Bret, read the comments above because they deal with the same principle, and as I will reiterate, it’s about finding out why you get mad. That would be the starting point. Unless you know why, it will be hard to fix the problem. What about her leaving to see her family makes you upset?
October 8th, 2009 at 6:46 pm
i’ve been dating my girlfriend for 4 years now… im 20… but now my girlfriend goes to college and lives there. we both have very busy lives and can only see each other maybe once a week, and when we do see each other, its with her friends or her family. i feel like im not important in her life anymore. we do not do anything romantic anymore. sometimes i wonder if she only dates me because we’ve been togeather for so long and shes just used to me, and i don’t know if i feel the same way or not. we both have different plans for our future, but i love the girl and i knows she loves me but i dont know if we’re in love. i don’t know what to do… please help me!
October 9th, 2009 at 8:37 am
That’s a tough one, Tyler. Have you opened up to her about this? My boyfriend and I only see each other on the weekends, so I know it can be done. Maybe just tell her that you want to spend some time with just her when you do see her because you feel like you guys need some quality alone time together. When you’re with other people, you aren’t able to put all your attention and focus on her. Then PLAN some fun things to do together. Check out some ideas here:
http://datingadvicefromagirl.com/great-dates-for-couples-who-like-to-try-new-things_1301/
And you can be the one to change things. You can be the one to initiate things that are romantic. You can sweep her off her feet. See, it’s really up to you guys if the relationship is going to be more “friendly buddy buddy” or “hot passionate” or “romantic and sweet.” And it can be ALL those things but you have to be the one to make it happen since you are the one that is aware of the problem. I commend you for bringing this up and wanting to make a difference. That’s AWESOME.
different future plans, that doesn’t have to be a negative thing. (unless you guys are never going to live in the same city) my boyfriend and I don’t have similar plans at all, but we are here to support each other in our perspecitive goals and dreams. I want to be a dancer and make an online tv show, he wants to invent something and get in the genuis world of records.
Lastly, remember, it’s up to you to keep the spark. This article will be really helpful I think:
http://datingadvicefromagirl.com/love-sacrificing-novelty_866/
October 20th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
I’ve been having a relationship over the internet with this wonderful lady but she always seems to want to flirt with other men who are both of our friends in front of me, i try to play it off on her firtascious attitude but sometimes it just feels like she likes to have more fun with them because i dont usually flirt with her asmuch as they do.
Then when i say something about her flirting in front of me she tends to get angry with me and say that they just want her for sex but i want her because i love her and thats why shes with me. How do i convince her to stop flirting with me and prevent her from getting mad at me at the same time?
October 20th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
Hi John,
If she is your girlfriend and you have both decided to be exclusive, you can tell her frankly, “I know you may feel differently but I feel disrespected when you flirt with my friends. And you even do it right in front of me!” Let her know you want her but not at the expense of being disrespected. And make an effort to flirt with her! She wants to feel desired and wanted. Flirting helps with that. You don’t want to make her stop flirting unless you can provide that interaction with her yourself. By doing this, you are showing her that you are not wanting to take something away from her, but that you can provide that same kind of interaction.
You can tell her, “look don’t be angry. If the tables were turned and I flirted with girls in front of you, you wouldn’t appreciate it either. If you know they just want you for sex, why do you flirt with them? YOu’re just teasing them and making me feel disrespected.”
And stick with your guns. If she’s not willing to change, MOVE on. you deserve to be respected.
October 21st, 2009 at 12:13 pm
[...] John: I’ve been having a relationship over the internet with this wonderful lady but she always seem… [...]
October 22nd, 2009 at 7:00 pm
[...] did an article on how men can be better boyfriends/husbands. It’s time to turn the [...]
October 22nd, 2009 at 7:25 pm
how do i get her to talk to me more? on a deeper level?because when i try, it seems not to work…
October 23rd, 2009 at 9:38 am
gabe, have you read this article?
Let me know if it helps or if you need more info:
http://datingadvicefromagirl.com/best-questions-to-ask-a-potential-love-interest_49/
also, it’s important to ask deep questions to get a deep conversation… what questions have you asked her?
November 3rd, 2009 at 3:06 am
hey ive only started a relationship with my girlfriend this may sound crazy but we met over the internet and we just ” clicked” we felt like we’ve known eachother for years and talked on the fone for 5 or 6 hours she even ran down the shops to buy credit to call me cause i ran out and at the end i asked her out and she said yes and we’ve been goin out for 6 days now and we live like 2000 kms apart wich is really gay. now i just got this feelin i dont matter to her she always tells me that she loves me and she wants to be with me forever but it just feels like she doesnt and now i really dont know what to do can u help??
November 3rd, 2009 at 9:18 am
luc, how did her actions change? What changed to make you think she isn’t feeling it anymore?
November 27th, 2009 at 12:21 am
I’m 18, just turned. I recently dropped out of school, and don’t have a job. I have a gf who will be turning 16. She accepts me, even though I’m sorta a loser. I’ve lost a lot of friends, and feel like I’m needy of her attention. I’m very jealous, I’m her first serious boyfriend. I have been in a few relationships. One for a year and a half. My gf is really loud, and seeks attention. From other guys. She tells me everything she does, like when she does it. She says sorry, and she doesn’t know why she does it. What does this mean? She tells me she loves me, she wants the same as me, and when we are together its perfect. We both agree that we are so alike. I’ve never met a girl with so much in common. I am getting back into school, and looking for work. For us. Her parents don’t know I’m not in school. We plan on being together for a while, but what to tell her parents when they expect me to graduate in June? So much is wrong here I know, but I feel so strongly about her, she’s all I got. She never calls, or likes to talk on the phone. I do. I bitch about it often, but what do I do? Do I just let her go? I don’t think I can. I’ve tried once, she cried in my arms, this is so weird. I’m so confused. HELP ME!
December 1st, 2009 at 6:29 pm
Dean, if she doesn’t like to talk on the phone, hang out in person. As far as letting her go, you don’t have to let her go if she still wants to be with you…. just tell her you feel disrespected when she always wants attention from other guys. And shower her with attention… then maybe she won’t need it so much from other guys. Girls just want to be wanted. They want to be desired. Make sure you verbally express your feelings for her and compliment her often. Don’t say you’re a loser! You have to set the bar for your own worth. the world will not raise it! If you think you’re a loser, your girlfriend will think so too. and nobody wants to be with a loser:( Whatever you think makes you a loser, do something to change that. Make the most out of your life for yourself and for the people around you that you love. Also if you’re jealous, a girl can feel trapped. nobody wants to feel trapped. So love her without being possessive. Show her that you are there to make her life better, not to bring her grief. That is love… looking out for the needs of the other person, not just what we can get out of them. Good luck!
December 24th, 2009 at 5:17 am
hello miss midori, im writting you from potugal, i justa started arelationship with this girl, we been together for 5 months, and its been great, i love her, i never felt what i feel for her before, but there is two things that bothers me.
1 - almost every 2 or 3 weeks we argue, sometimes for stupid things.how can we work this out??
2 - there is this one guy, one ex from her, that keeps calling and texting her,trying to get back to her, i have already told her that this bodders me, and that he is really trying to get back, she insists in telling me that they are just friends etc etc.the thing is, that this behaviour/situation, creates a litle bit of insecurity in me, im really loving her and im afraid to loose her.how can i deal this?? should i accept that they are just friends and trust her more??im very insecure and i dont know how to deal with this.
thank you for your tim, im waiting for your answear.
December 27th, 2009 at 10:12 pm
Greetings from Seattle to Portugal antonio!
Let me ask you, do you like to argue? If you don’t like to argue over stupid things remember that the key to stopping an argument BEFORE it starts is to remember that it is more important to be kind than it is to be right. It is more important to hear out the other person than it is for you to be heard. Seek FIRST to understand before being understood.
Don’t nitpick, meaning, sometimes we just have to let the little things go. It’s not worth messing up your relationship. Ask yourself, is opening my mouth about this little stupid thing worth all the effort it is going to take to undo all the damage I’m about to do? If it’s not worth it, forgive. Forbear. Let your unconditional love cover a multitude of imperfections and flaws she has. Ask yourself, how will ignoring this situation affect me in 10 minutes? 10 months? 10 years? If it doesn’t have long term consequences beyond just 10 minutes, maybe it’s not worth arguing about.
About the ex, tell her, regardless of whether or not HE’S trying to get back with her or not, that isn’t the point. His intentions are not the point. The point is that her communicating with him is making you uncomfortable. Ask her,
“I’m asking you to give him up for me. If his friendship means that much to you, then I ask you, what is it that he is giving you that I am not able to give? If it was any other male friend, I wouldn’t feel so uncomfortable, but just because you have a past with him, a romantic/sexual past with him, it makes me wonder. Maybe in the future I will feel more comfortable, but at this time, I’m not and i’m asking you, for the sake of our relationship, for the sake of making me feel respected, I’m asking you to choose me over him.”
Be bold. See where she’s at. Ask her to try to put herself in your shoes. Be loving. Be gentle. Be kind. Don’t say this in anger but as a plea. As something that she would be doing for you, a favor that can strengthen your relationship. Tell her if the tables were turned you will do the same for her and in the future she can count on you to do that for her– to be willing to give up something for her if it made her that uncomfortable.
then hear her out. Let me know if I can help you any more! Midori
January 6th, 2010 at 8:17 pm
I’ve been in a relationship with a girl for over 6 months…. And everything has been perfect till about 3 weeks ago… She and i have started arguing and its over stuff that ant even worth it….
When i first meet her i was determined to get with her and she was the same about me she use to tell me how much she loved me and that she wonted to be with me forever and all of that… Well now she dont… And i am so scared of looseing her that all i think about is how i am going to loose her and all the negitive things how can i keep from doing that? I no that she wouldnt but i am always worried about it.
The most important thing is we argue over stupid crap and when i try to talk to her she gets mad i get mad and it ends up so much bigger than what it really is… I dont know what is wrong but when i see something that bother me and i say something about it she takes it to heart everything i say she takes it to heart playing or not. Then instead of talking about it she gets mad and it goes way out of hand when all i did was ask her to try to help and fix the problem. And really i dont no what to do i have tried everything posible… i have told her that she is right and i am wrong that dont work just to prevent it. But when she says something to me i fix it without getting all mad.. now she has got to where she will not talk to me about anything she just wonts to drop it and i wont to talk so that we can get it fixed ya no…
i love her alot and i am willing to do what ever i have to prevent this stupid arguing for happenning
January 9th, 2010 at 4:32 pm
Dakota, read the above comment I wrote in response to antonio from portugal. It applies to you to, the part about how to stop arguing about petty things. Good luck!
January 27th, 2010 at 7:00 pm
Hey i need some help Me and my GF have been dating for alittle over 3 years we are both 21. But about a week ago she got mad at me because i get jelous when she is around other male friends that are single. Out of nowhere she broke up with me and wont give me a reason she just keeps repeating i need time and space im so confused i have no clue what 2 do. I love her so much and she tells me she loves me 2 im just confused.
January 28th, 2010 at 8:36 pm
Dustin, It’s really hard to date a guy who is jealous. That’s the truth. She loves you, she says so, but she doesn’t want to feel like you are controlling who she is hanging out with just because you’re dating her. Why do you get jealous around other male single friends? All they can do is look, she was yours. If you want to get back with her, your jealousy needs to stop.