How Do I Keep Her from Losing Interest in Me or Getting Bored?

Source: via Midori on Pinterest

Let’s say, you have secured a relationship. Now that everything is amazing, you’re worried about making it last. This is one reader’s concern:

(For the single guys, skip down to feminine traits to avoid and masculine traits to develop)

Reader’s Concern:

I’m 20 and have been with my girlfriend for about 16 months. We’ve had our fair share of ups and downs but all in all I know that no matter what she is my goddess. She is absolutely amazing. But, I fear that I don’t do enough. And I do plenty, but I know I can do more. I kiss her forehead and cheeks, I’ve written letters and dropped them in her mailbox. I’ve given massages, I’ve put on frank Sinatra and danced with her under Christmas lights. I’ve cooked, cleaned, talked, comforted. I’ve taken time from my friends and my band practice to text/call her. I’ve done romantic evenings with candles and dinners. I’ve taken her to her first metal concert and many other concerts. We’ve gone hiking. The thing is… I’m running out of ideas and I don’t want her to get bored. She’s a Gemini so she’s constantly in need of stimulation of her mind. I need to do things with more of an impact than just a letter or a walk or other cliche things. What can I do to really knock her socks off? Prove to her that she means everything to me. (she knows already, and she treats me great. I just want to continue the awesomeness.) any suggestions as to how I can make her melt/cry/or brag? Hahaha (cry as in just being overwhelmed with joy, I would never want to make her cry because she’s sad.) she deserves nothing but the best of me, and I want to deliver. Thanks.

My Response:

Wow! You have done so much already! You sound like a wonderful boyfriend. That’s great that you care enough about pleasing her that you want to do even more.

What You Do on a Daily Basis is More Important than Grand Gestures:

Before I give you any more suggestions, remember that the grand gestures are nice, but even nicer are the daily things you do or don’t do. Do you know her love language? Do you meet her needs using her love language?

Ideas on What to Do on a Daily Basis:

My husband isn’t one for grand gestures, and I’ve never missed them. Every day he does things to show me he loves me. He always opens the door for me (cars, buildings etc), he puts me first and is always willing to pause/mute/turn off the tv if I want to talk, he is a great listener, he is honest but always kind when he speaks to me, he makes sure I have all my needs met (he’s a great provider), and he brings me flowers or chick flicks when I’m having a sad day. He is patient with me, gives me freedom to hang out with friends, and trusts me implicitly. He is never possessive or jealous. He never lies, and he is always considering my needs and wants. He always gives me preference (he puts my wants before his own: where to eat out? What to do? What I want?) and I try to do the same for him.

Without these kinds of things, the grand gestures will excite but for a moment, and then you are back to the reality of who your partner is on a day to day basis.

Sweet, Sentimental Acts aren’t What Keep Women Attracted

Also, remember that what makes you attractive to her isn’t all those sentimental things. Those things are nice, and they make a woman go , “Awww….” but if you want to keep her for the long haul, remember what attracts femininity is masculinity. Think about what that means. It’s very powerful.

If you need examples of masculinity, here are a couple of articles:

What Makes a Man Attractive

Five Ways to Show a Girl You are a Gentleman

All Hail the Alpha Male

Femininity is Most Attracted to Masculinity

Feminine traits to avoid:

  • Being a worrier
  • Nervousness and being anxious
  • Being coy
  • Indecisiveness
  • Panics in the face of danger
  • Risk averse
  • Being a tease

Masculine traits to develop:

  • Taking action instead of worrying
  • Courage and fearlessness
  • Being forward
  • Decisiveness
  • Risk taker
  • Is brave in the face of danger
  • Being a pursuer and initiator

Now to make her melt, cry or brag…

You could:

  • call up a radio station and have a song dedicated to her.
  • take her to karaoke and dedicate a song to her.
  • take her on a surprise trip or cruise (if money isn’t an issue)
  • Send her surprise flowers at work for her birthday.

Paying Attention to Conversations:

Pay attention to conversations you have. Notice if there is something she’s been wanting to try, something she’s always wanted to do that she’s never had a chance to do, and then make it happen:) Maybe you’ve her heard talking about how much she loved zip-lining when she was a kid and she hasn’t done it in forever. Maybe she has a secret wish to be a fashion designer and one of her life goals is to go to a New York fashion show. Maybe she’s never seen snow or the ocean. Maybe she’s always wanted to go sky diving. Find out what she’s been craving to do, and then make it a reality. You get bonus points not just for making it happen, but for being attentive and listening to her.

The Importance of Your Motivation and Intention

Those are just a couple of ideas off the top of my head. Lastly, if you do anything, don’t do it because you are afraid to lose her. You said, “I fear I don’t do enough.” This is you acting out of fear, and she will know it. Instead, act out of a desire to make her happy. Fear makes you do things so something will or won’t happen. In your case, you want to do it so she won’t get bored and leave you. Love does things without expecting anything in return. Change your motivation, and everything will be more sincere and selfless. And remember “fearlessness” is a masculine trait.

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Article written by:

I love thinking about the intricacies of dating, love and life. I share my tiny lessons in the hope that it helps you as you navigate the dating world.

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