For Single Girls

He says, “I’m not ready for a committed relationship. I want to keep my options open.”

Darn. And you really liked the guy. Your connection is amazing; your chemistry undeniable.

What to do, what to do?

Should you keep dating the guy?

Should you kick him to the curb?

Here’s portion of a letter I wrote to a woman dealing with this dilemma:

“This guy right now, I hope that you can enjoy him in the moment, that you can let him be the Mr Right Now (without giving up your physical boundaries) because he is in your life for a reason for a season. When I am old and gray, I’m happy that I had Mr Right Now’s in my past— stories of romances gone awry, heartbreaks, summer flings—stories to tell the grandkids. These men were not my Mr. Right, my Mr. Forever, but I enjoyed their company in the moment and have no regrets. I honestly believe that every person who comes into our lives serves a purpose, regardless of whether or not they stay in our lives forever. We will have come out of the experience having learned and shared something valuable.

I totally admire and respect the standards you hold for yourself– not wanting to share your affection with just anyone. I’m hoping that you are able to enjoy this man without sacrificing these standards but also while you protect your heart. Ask God before every date to help you guard your heart.

Song of Solomon 2:7 and 3:5 both admonish, “I adjure you daughters of Jerusalem… that you not stir up or awaken love until IT PLEASES.”

I think I was able (not every time lol) to take this advice of King Solomon only when I remembered to not fall for a man UNTIL I knew he loved me—

1 John 4:19– “We love because he FIRST loved us.”

I started to expect the same from a man what I experienced with Christ. I decided I was not going to UN-GUARD my heart until a man first loved me. I could enjoy him, I could enjoy his company, I could enjoy all the endorphins and dopamine that would rush through my body at the very thought of him, but I would not let myself fall for him or regard the experience as anything more than INFATUATION, a brief, exhilarating CHEMICAL RUSH. Because the reality is with this guy you are seeing, as amazing as the connection is, as amazing as the chemistry is, it is not enough.

We have to take a man at face value, and if he tells us, “I want to keep my options open,” we have to believe him. He is not a dick for being honest; we are a fool if we don’t believe him.

Men can change, but only on THEIR TERMS, in THEIR OWN TIME. Maybe you will be the girl who changes everything. Maybe you will not.

Enjoy him, but as he does, so should you, “Keep your options open.” AND more importantly, keep your HEART open to other options.

This is a lot to take in, maybe not my place to say. But I’ve seen FAR TOO MANY of my girlfriends fall for this kind of man. All of their stories are tragedies.

But I don’t want you to see this man and think you have to get rid of him.

Just take him AT FACE VALUE, Not as you would have him be.

Let your HEART soak in the truth about this because

sometimes there is a disconnect between what our minds know to be true and what are hearts decide to believe.

And when you do this, maybe it is possible to enjoy him for the time being, hoping maybe your influence makes a difference, but being open (and actively placing yourself in situations where you could get to know) other suitors.

And to put it briefly:

(picture credit)

So my advice? Enjoy him, but don’t make him a priority.”

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Article written by:

I love thinking about the intricacies of dating, love and life. I share my tiny lessons in the hope that it helps you as you navigate the dating world.

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  1. Amanda

    That last advice was something that I needed to hear!

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