Don’t Ghost. If you haven’t heard of ghosting allow me to introduce you to the cowardly baby of technology.
You’re dating someone, then they suddenly, stop texing and/or calling, and they don’t return your text(s) or call(s).
It’s happened to the best of us. It’s happened after a first date, a few weeks or even a few months of dating.
And it sucks.
It is the coward’s way out while it leaves the receiver with questions:
Did they break all their fingers?
Should I break all their fingers?
A few years ago, a guy I had been dating exclusively for 3 months ghosted me. Because of how horrible I felt, I would like to take this opportunity to make a public service announcement.
It directs your character to the path of a coward. You are not a coward.
It shows a lack of respect for people. You may not like them, but you are better than disrespect.
Think of it as an opportunity for growth. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Always do what you are afraid to do.” By facing discomfort head on, we force growth of character. You are a person of strong character.
If you need some texts to gently (as gently as rejection can be) end it, here are some easy and quick texts if the spark isn’t there for yo:
I appreciate you as a person, but the chemistry isn’t there for me. If you’re interested in continuing a friendship, so am I. If not, I understand.
I’m not feeling this. If you want a friendship, I’m down. If not, I understand.
I’ve enjoyed getting to know you, but I’m getting more of a friendship vibe. If you’re interested in continuing a friendship, so am I. If not, I understand.
I don’t think we are compatible. I hope you understand and I wish you good luck.
You have done your part
Now, if you are not really interested in a friendship, of course don’t include that offer. With that being said, be prepared for ungracious and mean responses. They’ve been rejected and some people do not have the maturity to accept rejection with grace. They take it personal, which is a natural response, even though it isn’t about them, it’s about you and what constitutes a good match for you.
If they get rude, this is the point that it is ok not to respond, and perhaps use that nifty “block” option on your phone and social media. Do not take responsibility for their feelings, you have done your part in treating them with respect and integrity.
This ends the public service announcement and takes us to the most important part of this article:
How to deal when you are ghosted?
Well, all I offer is to tell you what I did.
I cried, I shook, I vented to friends and, finally, I accepted.
Why’d he do it? Admittedly, I cared. I cared a lot. I wanted answers. There is nothing worse than questions or waiting.
Then, after a few days, it really did not matter. Because in the long run, it was God’s mercy that I saw his cowardice on his way out instead of when I was all the way in.
So, how do we deal with ghosting?
Acceptance and grace; it’s all we have and it’s the best we have.