Ugh. You’ve worked up the courage to finally ask her to be exclusive, assuming she’d be all gung ho. And all you get is a “maybe?” What a MAJOR disappointment.
Before you start cursing and retracting your offer, consider what “maybe” actually means to a woman. Some guys may think it worse than an outright “no,” but that couldn’t be farther from the truth!
Truth be told, a “maybe” is much closer to being a “yes” than a “no.”
Don’t let a “maybe” break you. Men have it too easy these days. Suitors in the past expected this “not so easy to win” kind of arrangement. It always benefited both parties. The woman would know if the man was willing to wait for her, fight for her, and thus it gave her more confidence that he would stick around for the long haul. (Hello? Wife turned mother needs that kind of security to raise her offspring in a stable environment)
The man would also benefit from this “not so easy to win” courtship. Hard work and waiting always makes a man appreciate things more, and it is no different when finding a spouse. Now why is the male doing all the waiting and working? Why is this his role? Read this comment I wrote if you need some clarity on that. Now, you see women always throwing themselves at men, (gasp) even pursuing men, so I can see how men would be put off by a harmless “maybe.”
So guys, what does “maybe” mean?
Maybe is… “are you willing to go at my pace?”
Maybe is… “We’ll see if you are the man I need, want and deserve.”
Maybe is… “I’ll give you a chance if you’ll really pursue me with abandon.”
Maybe is… “I want to say yes, but I’m scared I might look cheap and easy.”
Maybe is… “I’m scared. Are you playing with my heart or are you for real?”
Maybe is… “I need time to weigh this out. Commitment is something important to me, not to be taken lightly.”
Point is, don’t give up just because you got a maybe! Like I said, a maybe is quite closer to a yes than a no.
Good job pointing out “maybe” isn’t the end of the world. I would advise to stay positive with the “maybe” as well. I can remember in my past I would assume the worst when I would hear a “maybe”. Now that I am older, I realize that she is just uncertain for one or many reasons.
Don,
Great points! Don’t give up guys!
Got another one for you. What is it about the kiss that can instantly have a radical effect on the relationship? I’ve narrowed it down to that critical moment that some of the best relationships I had were ruined the moment we kissed. Immediately her attitude toward me changed so abruptly it was almost like dealing with a completely different person! One that didn’t trust anything and put up massive barriers to anything that might approximate intimacy. All from that one moment, we could have been crushing on eachother for YEARS before we kissed and ruined everything. What is this?
GI joe,
it is possible that you are a bad kisser. Or that she started getting cold feet after you made out— feeling all of a sudden like things were moving too fast. Probably the second is more likely, but the first is a possibility.