My advice is different for each gender….

For women, in short, this time calls for faith and patience.

For men, this time calls for action and determination. My next article will be for the gentlemen, and to answer Ray’s comment:) Ladies first!

Women,

Especially to any new female readers of this blog. Don’t fall under the impression that I have it all. I’m happy and I’m married, but I began writing this blog in 2007, years before I met my husband.

My Early Dating History

From 13 until around 21? I didn’t really know what it meant not to be someone’s girlfriend. In college, I experienced the most difficult heartbreak, the kind of emotional pain of losing someone that translates into what I could describe as almost physical pain. And after that experience, in the midst of feeling lost, I asked God “Please please PLEASE don’t let me date another man unless he’s going to be my husband. I don’t want to feel this pain again.”

The Single Years

I got over that guy, but it took me years. And when I started meeting other male interests, I nearly forgot my prayer. I started wishing I never prayed that because every time there was a potential guy, something wouldn’t work out. And that left me single. FOR FIVE YEARS. That’s right. five years. No dates. One pseudo date? yes. One icky suitor that comes to mind? yes. A couple near misses? yeah. But nothing translated into a date. And definitely nothing became a relationship.

Struggles in Dating

So don’t think that I don’t know loneliness or heartbreak. Don’t come to the conclusion that I don’t have a clue how you feel. I know what it feels like to struggle with your weight your entire life and have a love/hate relationship with beauty because you feel that men care too much about appearance. I know what it feels like to crush hard on someone all the while not knowing if they even know I exist. I’ve googled exes and saved men’s numbers on my phone, tempted to call even though I know if they really wanted to be with me, they would make the effort. I’ve myspace stalked exes, wondering if the song they had on their page was meant for me… sad I know! I’ve liked my older brother’s best friend, I’ve tried to hook up my exes with my friends. I’ve made the mistake of having too many guy friends and not enough female friends. Oh, I know many of your dating concerns because I’ve been there!

I have had all of these struggles, being single and looking, dealing with past boyfriends, wondering about my future, Is he really out there? The one who’s going to love me forever? The one I want to love forever too?

Why NOT to Publish First and Last Names of People

I’ve even written about my first crush in sixth grade. BIG mistake putting his REAL first and last name on here. He did a google search of his name and my article came up on the first page of google! And he found my number and called me at midnight one night while I was on the other phone with Nate and we were just dating at the time. When I clicked back to talk to Nate, I was like, “Oh, you would never believe who that was! My first crush! He found me on google when he googled his name! He’s the reason why I think I’m attracted to Caucasian brunettes!” His response, “Uhh, okay? Do you want me to call you back?” AWKWARD. I was like, “no! sorry…”

How I Got Comfortable with Being Single

Anyway, during those five single years, the moment that made me truly comfortable with being single and waiting and being patient was when my coworker and dear friend Jackie told me,

“Midori, now, while you don’t see who “he” is, NOW is the time for faith.”

She was married and she told me this because she was making the point that you can’t have faith in something that is right in front of you. You can’t have faith in something you can see. If you can see it, there’s no need for faith. You have to believe that there is someone out there for you, otherwise you’re missing the opportunity to have faith.

It truly was when I had become content with being single that Nate came into my life. And even then, it wasn’t right away. I had never given up hope of finding someone and the desire was still there, but I had settled comfortably in my singleness. I felt at home there. And what do you know? God answered my prayer. Nate was the next guy I dated. And we got married! I’m glad he answered my prayer, even though during some of my single years I had wished differently.

A Question to the Single Ladies

Single women, here’s my question for you: Are you hopeful? Do you have faith that someone is out there for you?

I truly believe that if God gives you a desire, he’s able to fulfill it in a way that glorifies Him. And marriage glorifies Him. So don’t lose hope. And don’t settle for just the first guy who shows interest. Deep down in your heart, you will know when you’ve met him.

Someone once said, “It’s a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it.”

That guy, he’s worth the wait. I know. Even after being with Nate for almost 3 years, (dating and marriage) he’s still the best man I know. That says a lot.

Again, now is the time for faith and for patience.

Here are two songs that encouraged me when I was single! Enjoy:)