For Single Girls

For a Woman: What to do if you are interested in a guy who’s practically a stranger

(all pictures from leloveimage)
This reader likes a guy at the gym…

Here’s what she says:

I don’t know what to do, what if he is really shy and i start talking to him and he takes me for a flirt. But i guess that would be the only way to find out and for me to stop dreaming, i think the next time I see him i will look for a way to excersice on a treadmill right next to him and start a conversation i just can’t continue to be so close to him and not know.

My response:

Just to make things clear, you are reading an advice column from a very traditional woman. I would NEVER advise a woman to make the first move with a guy (ask him out).

I think the most important thing is for you to wait, be patient, and smile a lot. A smile is enough motivation for a man to approach you if he is truly interested.

Don’t rush the stage of longing. By doing nothing but smiling, you are allowing a man to man up and be brave enough to pursue you. You give him a chance to be courageous.

I wouldn’t even go out of your way to run right next to him and strike a conversation. A guy can read right through that. He will either think, hmmm she’s interested and confident, or hmmm she’s really forward and desperate. It can go either way, but do you really want to risk that interpretation?

You can read this article about shy guys:

What does it mean if a shy guy doesn’t pursue me?

or this article about why you shouldn’t pursue a man.

Let the man take the risks! You are worth all the trouble:)

You might be thinking, but what if I don’t make a move and he never does anything? Think of it like you just dodged a bullet. Do you really want to go after a guy who’s just not that into you enough to make an effort? You will be chasing the man forever and always wondering if you were just a convenient catch.

Bet you can relate to these pictures… all the things you think… all the things I’m asking you to keep to yourself until he makes an effort. You are worth that effort.

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Article written by:

I love thinking about the intricacies of dating, love and life. I share my tiny lessons in the hope that it helps you as you navigate the dating world.

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  1. Ronald Hampton

    Ridiculous. There is nothing wrong with expressing interest in a man by walking up and talking to him. This is how you make new friends. No sane person is going to think less about you as a woman because you initiated anything. I personally would find it flattering. How come it’s not okay for a man to have those same feelings? “The best feeling is when you look at her, & she is already staring.” Everybody is worth the effort, so everybody should, at some point in time, put out the effort.

    Worse dating advice for a girl having problems dating, “Wait”. They’ve been waiting, that’s why they’re looking for solutions on the internet now.

  2. MidoriLei

    Ronald Hampton,

    You’re entitled to your own opinion. And I have no proof or scientific evidence for my stance. I just have found from experiences of women friends I know that every time they initiate something with a man, they are the ones who get hurt in the end.

    Coincidence? maybe. maybe not. I also don’t believe in close friends with other males so I wouldn’t even advise women to go out there and make a new buddy. You have girlfriends for that. Men are for dating and marrying. When you have all these close male friends, how is your husband going to feel when you get married?

    and let me tell you, all the “close” male friends I’ve had in the past have all disappeared when I got married.

    Most men would be flattered by a woman coming on to them, I agree. But I’m writing this article not to show women how to flatter men, but to show women how to guard their hearts. A man might not think less of a woman who comes on strong; I’m just saying that I still believe it’s the man’s role to pursue a woman.

    It’s totally okay for a man to love these statements like “The best feeling is when you look at her, and she’s already staring.” I encourage women to smile at guys. I just discourage them from doing anything else.

    Everybody is worth the effort, and the woman’s effort comes when she reciprocates and accepts a man’s advances.

    Do you also believe that men and women should go dutch? Why is it that our society expects men to pay for initial dates?

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