Just for the ladies:)
(but we promise not to tell anyone if you gentlemen secretly read on!)

It seems like I’ve been writing post after post on advice for guys. (besides the Notebook stuff) I think it’s ‘cuz I started working at a community college again and most of my coworkers are guys. We literally spend half the day sitting around round tables talking about dating, life, philosophy and politics… and laughing at each other in between tutoring sessions with students.

So, I decided I needed to send some love to my female readers:

A great photo blog featuring everything kissy, smoochy and lovey-dovey.

My favorite “couple” blog, tracking the life of the cutest couple ev-a. Forget photo albums. A photo blog is the perfect thing to show your kids!

Style inspiration for your dates via the streets of Tokyo.

The hottest raw foodist– eye candy plus health and environmental issues inspiration.

Have you had the same color/hairstyle since sixth grade? Ready to see your boyfriend’s mouth drop? The hair addict’s blog.

ahhh…. I love boys who can dance like this:

If you have 2 hours to spare:my favorite Korean love story.

and, a reminder of just how fragile we all really are.

Best U.S. cities for young singles (ages 20-29)

large regions

* San Francisco, CA
* Washington, DC
* Boston, MA
* Los Angeles, CA
* New York, NY

mid-size regions

* Madison, WI
* Worcester, MA
* Bridgeport, CT
* New Haven, CT
* Raleigh, NC

small regions

* Boulder, CO
* Santa Barbara, CA
* Trenton, NJ
* Ann Arbor, MI
* Santa Rosa, CA

Or to get even more specific, ‘wanna know where all the single men/women are?? Hmmm… looks like all the single men are on the west coast!

Go get the book at your nearest library. It’s full of goodies.

Ahhh… puppy love…. to be young and in love, without a care in the world:)

My mom and dad’s marriage.

At times my dad makes me want to forget marriage altogether…

(Note: Mostly when he’s being a realistic, say-it-like-he-means-it, truthful without the tact, military sergeant clone trying to whip me into action– then again, he did raise my brothers and I from the time we were able to walk, to promptly line up in front of him, side by side, salute and say “Report for duty, Sir Barizo!” ‘Course it did sound more like, “Report por duty serrr Ba-riSO!” with our Filipino accents.

Remember that scene from sound of music where all the kids march up in a row??? yeah, kinda like that.

Yes, this is all true. And it didn’t seem all that strange until I actually wrote it down!)

But sometimes… I just look at my mom and dad and I’m inspired. Because for the most part, they are happy and still so much in love.

The thing I notice them do the most… is laugh together. I think that’s ‘gotta be the secret to their marriage.

So here’s to laughter! Check out this funny flickr group, full of the funniest, kookiest people around:

You Wearing a Glass Bowl on Your Head

or better yet, grab a bowl, snap a photo, and join!

Back in college I joined a financial business where I was taught the art of ‘rapport.’ Little did I know that this information actually would serve me well, not just in business, but also in my personal life. I’ve used this every time I meet someone new, when I’m getting to know someone over the phone or on the internet… and I know it works well on first dates.

There’s nothing like an uncomfortable silence to make a date feel more like an interview than a date. (To avoid this, choose an activity where you’re not required to talk the entire time. Read about it here.)

On the best dates, both parties see their role as a “host/hostess” as opposed to a “guest.” The host/hostess keeps the conversations flowing, while the guest sits back and waits to be entertained. If both parties act as either the “host/hostess” they both carry the burden of keeping the date interesting and lively.

Now gentlemen, unfortunately, some women go into dates expecting to the be the “guest.” You end up asking all the questions, and they answer but don’t ask questions in return. Sad, I know.

But, oh well.

Regardless, you can show that you’re an interesting, interested individual. Keep this acronym in mind when you go on any date:

FORM

F Family and Friends
O Occupation
R Recreation
M Motivation

In order to act as a great “host,” you want to “FORM” every person you date.

This basically means asking questions about these topics, typically in this order.

Every woman likes to talk about her close circle of friends and family. If she has kids, I’m sure talking about them will get the ball rolling. Talking about friends and family will make her feel more at ease because these are people she loves and a topic she is very familiar with. Here are some suggestions:

Family and Friends:

Do you have any kids?
Did you know you wanted to be a mother?
Do you have any siblings?
How is it being an only child/only girl/only boy/having a lot of sisters/brothers?
Who are you closest to? Why her/him?
Where did you grow up?
Did you like growing up in the city/country?
Do your parents still live there?
Which parent are you more like? How?
What was it like growing up in your family?
Where did you meet your roommate?
Do you keep in touch with any childhood/college friends?

Occupation

What kind of work do you do?
What do you like about your job?
What’s the most challenging thing about your job?
Do you like your boss/coworkers?
Is this your dream job and if not, what is?
Why did you choose this profession?
or How did you fall into this career?
What’s the worst job you’ve ever had? What made it the worst?

Recreation

What do you like to do for fun?
What would you do if you had the whole day to yourself?
How do you like to unwind after a long day?
What’s your favorite cuisine?
What’s your favorite dish?
Do you like to play any sports?
How did you get into that sport?
Do you play any instruments?
What kind of music do you like?
Have you ever been to the opera/ballet/a musical/live concert/sporting event?
Which ones have you seen? Did you like it?
Is there any place in the world you’re dying to visit? Why there?
Do you prefer large crowds or intimate gatherings?

The reason why it’s important to talk about family, occupation and recreation before motivation is because motivation delves into deep issues that people aren’t always willing to share up front. Sometimes they don’t know their underlying motivations for why they do things so they may not be able to answer your question right away or at all during the date.

On the other hand, most people have family and friends, a job and things they do for fun. The great thing about the motivation questions is that you’ll find out the most about what makes her feel satisfied and what gives her life meaning.

Motivation

Aside from work and leisure, what are you passionate about?
How did you get into that?
If you didn’t have to work, what would you do with all your time?
(if they don’t have an answer to that:) As a child what did you want to be when you grew up?
Looking back on your life and even in your current situation, when were you the happiest? Why then? (or why now?)

Also remember that after you ask a question, even if your date doesn’t ask the question back, you can, and probably should share your input as well. For example, when you ask her her favorite cuisine and she says,

“Mexican, because I grew up in Texas where they have the best Tex-Mex cuisine and I love steak fajitas,”

You can add, “Yeah, I’ve had some great Tex-Mex steak fajitas! At Don Pablos in Dallas. My favorite cuisine is probably Thai because I love spicy Asian dishes with a sweet taste. I could live off of Pad Thai.”

If she’s never had Pad Thai before she’ll probably ask what it is, and the conversation will just keep flowing!

So remember, FORM is mastering the art of conversational FLOW!

Ah, the nerve-wrecking, palm sweat inducing event that gives merit to seven wardrobe changes.

You’ve asked her out, and she said yes. Now comes the first date.

How do you choose where to go?

First, forgo the typical movies and dinner. Pa-leeez.

Why?

Well, there are obvious flaws in this traditional first date.

For the first two hours, you can’t talk.
For the next two hours, you have to talk.

The secret to choosing a great activity for a first date is following these guidelines:

1. Don’t choose an activity where you can’t easily talk because it’s taboo (movies) or too loud (hockey game, salsa club). The whole point is to get to know the person. Think more on the terms of an activity that involves you both “doing” instead of “watching and viewing.” (musicals, plays, concerts)

2. But choose an activity that distracts from talking (putt-putt) so that you don’t have the pressure of talking the entire time. Having dinner on a first date gives you the opportunity to talk without noise or being in a taboo environment, but dinner with weird silences makes things uncomfortable. Dinner puts too much pressure on talking, and it’s exacerbated by it’s formality. Compare that to talking, playing pool, and shooting darts at a bar. If nobody is talking, it’s not obvious because you’re both also concentrating on the act of playing a game. This frees you up to ask questions at random without pressure, and you’re able to talk on and off.

3. Don’t choose an activity where your date is forced to have physical contact with you. (Salsa dancing) You have to build up to the physical contact! You don’t want your date to feel like she has to be touching you sooner than when she’s ready. Save those kinds of dates for later.

4. Don’t choose an activity where you’re both going to be sweating profusely. (hiking, salsa dancing) This is up in the air, but I know most women want to look their best on a first date and not have to worry about sweating a lot and having to change later in the date, reapplying makeup, freshening up, etc. Let’s be nice to the ladies. They put in a great deal of effort to look and smell nice for you on a first date.

5. Forgo formal activities. Save the ballet, opera, museum and four star dinner for later on. The more formal the event is, the more uptight you both will feel. You’re already both a bundle of nerves, why make it more difficult by placing yourself in a formal environment? You both want to loosen up, relax and be comfortable. You don’t want to worry about a dress code and proper etiquette on a first date. The key to great first dates is laughter and flirting, and you want to do an activity or be in a place that doesn’t discourage that. I’d rather go to Bingo than an upscale restaurant on a first date! At least with Bingo you have the entertainment of watching old people who are deathly serious about a game. It’s hilarious! If you’re thinking, “But I want to impress her with these classy, expensive outings,” remember, you want someone that’s impressed with you, not what your money can buy.

6. Choose something that involves physical exertion. Again, we’re not talking about anything that involves sweating profusely, but something with some physical activity is good for both of you to exert nervous energy into.

7. Don’t choose an activity where you’re not going to be in the public eye. It’s too soon to be completely alone. For example, hiking in the wilderness would probably freak her out since she’d be out of the public eye. Regardless of how safe she feels around you or how attracted she is to you, she doesn’t know you well enough to be in that kind of position where she doesn’t have an out. Men and women are different and we have different concerns. Think about what would possibly concern her on the date.

Alright guys, with all that in mind, here are ideas of dates that follow most of these guidelines:

1. Putt-putt golf and then browsing through a local chocolatier shop.

2. Going to a carnival or state fair. You can win her a stuffed toy!

3. Playing pool and darts at a bar and eating burgers.

4. Going bowling and getting pizza

5. Playing frisbee at the park and having a bottle of wine on a blanket on the grass

6. Playing a two person board game or cards and eating wings at a public clubhouse

7. Cooking a meal together to give away at a nursing home or shelter. (if this works out, suggest using her place so she feels safer) (a girl loves a humanitarian man who knows how to cook!)

8. Grabbing a coffee and browsing through the humor section of a bookstore. Find a spot on the floor and read jokes together. (Another great date book is Would You Rather.)

9. Picking up some healthful snacks at a specialty health food store and going to a petting zoo and feeding the animals. Bring the snacks for the two of you. Don’t forget hand sanitizer!

10. Rollerblading through a park and getting ice cream.

11. Going to a shooting range and then grabbing some tacos on the way home.

12. Walking through your town’s downtown cobblestone paved mainstreet and checking out local shops.

13. Going on a bike tour of your city and grabbing some sandwiches after.

14. Any local festival that your city sponsors that is outdoors and has music, food and/or games- (Wine festival, Greek festival, Strawberry festival, Art festival, Fall Festival)

15. Go to an arcade, order some burgers, and be a kid again!

Thanks to my friend, Heather Mae, for her input on this topic!

Welcome to my first podcast! No dating advice here, just some fears about marriage:

Play it on your browser below or you can download it here by right clicking and selecting “save (link) as.”

So again, I’m asking those who are happily married to give us the low down on the real deal…And those of you who aren’t married, guys, what do you fear about marriage? How about the girls? What do you fear?

And my favorite love song line at the moment:

Isn’t this the best part of waking up,
Finding someone else you can’t get enough of,
Someone who wants to be with you too?

-Liz Phair

Hope everyone’s having a great Sunday!

I ran into this article by the wonderful, humorous blogger, The Barefoot. He is so right on the money, and he makes the truth comedic.

I love this line:

Women talk all the damn time, fellows. This is not new. After a few years, the male ears undergo a physiological change which turns the siren’s song of their bride into white noise for which we compensate by turning up the TV volume.

He talks about how men need to listen, need to act like men, need to be decisive, and need to prioritize their women. If you want to keep your woman, take his advice. Seriously. And if you can’t commit to doing the following and you’re single and contemplating being in a relationship….then maybe you’re not ready to have a woman in your life.

I think these things are expectations of ALL women. Ladies, correct me if I’m wrong:)