Men are sometimes a bit behind the curve when it comes to knowing just what women want. Dating can be tough for both people involved, but there are a few things that men can do to make sure that they are a great person to date. Take some of this advice, and one date could get you headed in the right direction toward more dates and a happier future in the process.

Chivalry Is Not Dead

Regardless of how far we have come along as a society regarding the role of women in the world, it is not a bad thing to go out of our way to make ladies feel special. Get things off on the right foot by opening and closing the car door for your date when you pick her up. Allow her to always enter before you and open doors for her. When she gets up from the table, get up as well. Being a gentleman shows that you respect women and makes you much more attractive in the process.

Pay Attention

If you get past the first date, chances are you will learn many different things about the woman you are dating. Pay close attention to your lady from the very beginning, noting what she likes and doesn’t like when it comes to food, movies, and other things that may come up over the course of your date. These little things and the fact that you remember them later demonstrate your attentiveness—and that is a special quality indeed.

Listen

Similar to paying attention, but far more important, is that you listen to what your date is saying. If you have trouble paying attention, work on this skill because you are going to need to be a good listener. Ask questions about her and listen to the answers that she gives you. Listening and responding appropriately will help move the conversation along and show that you are interested in her.

Don’t Dwell on the Past

If you have had bad experiences with women in the past, don’t bring it up, especially on the first date. Later on it may come up, but there is no reason to discuss exes or the past; the present is a great place to be when dating and can lead to a future. Also, don’t ask questions about your date’s past—this can lead to awkward topics that are better left alone or for another time later on.

Treat Her as if She’s the Only Woman in the Room

Get involved in the date, especially if things are going well. Use body language to show your interest in her and what she has to say, and don’t let your eyes rove around, especially to other women in the room. If you act like she is the only woman there, you will have her attention, and more dates with her in the future.

Take a cue from Kirby of Lipstick Jungle:

Kirby didn’t wait for Nico to make a move. He saw a beautiful woman and went for it.

He actively initiated interest. By active, I mean he wasn’t passive.

First off, Active men on a mission by my definition are men who

• actively pursue what they want instead of passively waiting for things to fall in their lap
• know what they want and go after it
• take risks
• grab opportunities
• take responsibility for success instead of passively living life

This could refer to a career, a goal, a dream, a passion, or a woman.

I love this quote:

The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this:
Decide what you want.

-Ben Stein

I would add that the second step to getting things you want out of life is this:

Get over your fears and insecurities and just go for it.

Here’s a quote from the chapter:

(Women want to be)

• wanted without fear
• desired without hesitancy
• pursued without waiting
• taken care of without forethought and planning
• initiated toward so (they) can respond

What I’m saying, guys, is that you have to know what you want and go for it. There is power in intention, power in desire, power in initiative. You do not have to be Tarzan or the Terminator. Here is the formula: You have to have desire that you pursue.… Guys, go for it. Don’t take a little obstacle or lack of interest as the end of the line. Don’t feel the need for her to pave the way to “know that it is safe.” Step out and make something happen. When you run into a little resistance, push through it. Don’t back off until the door is really close. (Sometimes that’s only after she has a ring on her finger!)

Look around. The men who get what they want aren’t necessarily the brightest, most charming, most handsome, or the luckiest men. They’re given some positive traits they use to their advantage as well as some flaws and negative traits they try to manage. Just like you. What they do have is diligence, courage, and a resilience to face setbacks in stride. They believe they can succeed and win eventually. So they don’t sit on the benches and wish for things. They get up and play the game. They get beat down and try again.

I mean, what’s NOT hot about that??? I’m getting turned on just typing this. (kidding… kinda.)

If you know me, you know I am a social butterfly. Why is it then, that when I am actually attracted to a guy, I completely start getting uncomfortable with my wings and wanna hide back in my cocoon?

I completely give guys the wrong message. When I am friendly and laughing all the time, I DON’T LIKE THEM. When I completely ignore them and pretend like they don’t exist, that means they get under my skin, into my head, and into my every other waking thought.

So the first guy’s thinking,

She thinks I’m funny.

She thinks I’m fun to be around.

She is totally at ease.

She totally digs me!

When actually, it’s more like,

Yes, I think you’re funny.

Yes, you’re fun to be around.

Yes I am totally at ease.

NO, I don’t dig you.

I just don’t see you that way.

Men, when a woman says there is “no chemistry,” it means:
• There’s no spark.
• AKA sexual attraction.

Or if you want it spelled out:

• “No fiber in my being is compelled to jump your bones.”

Sorry, people can’t help who they are attracted to sexually. You just have to get over it and move on. Anyway, believe me, you want to be with a girl who wants to jump your bones. I promise, she’s out there. Just keep ‘lookin…

Back to my little rant. So now the second guy’s thinking:

I thought she smiled at me when we first met.

I’m totally seeing things.

Man dude, what’s happening to your game?

I can’t believe you’re losing it to that accounting guy, whats-his-name…

Dang!… I know. The dude’s a freakin Jim Carrey. Girls dig funny…

But shoot! Why’s it like she’s dodging me?

Whatever.

Move on.

Plenty of chicks on the market.

So he does move on. They move on. The entire race of attractive, single, male prospects moves on while I’m stuck in the lunch room, listening to the now slightly irritating Jim Carrey-wannabe and wishing to God that he’d take a breath and give his gaping orifice a break.

And this my dears is the plight of the socially inept singleton. And I’m giving you dating advice? LOL

The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want. ~ Ben Stein

I wrote this blog post because the top things that women type in google to get to my site are:

Do I like him?
What guys think
Why do I like him?
how guys think

Obviously many women are confused about their feelings for men. From my experience, most men just know what they want, but based on these keywords, women have a harder time gauging their interest. These keywords also show that women maybe so concerned with what guys think that they might possibly fail to take into consideration what they want.

One thing is for sure: FEELINGS are never a clear indicator that a person is a good match.

So instead of relying on your feelings and asking the question, “Do I like him?” you can ask the question, “Should I like him?” Base your decision to like him on qualities he possesses instead of feelings you have. Feelings are volatile. Better to like someone based on something that has substance.

People shouldn’t wait until they are completely blinded by intense feelings for someone to decide what they want in the opposite sex.

Best to do your homework in advance. Now, don’t misunderstand me. There is no perfect person, but creating a list of “must-haves” and “must not have” in a potential partner has its benefits. (It’s recommended to limit your list to just 6 in order to avoid looking for a “perfect” person, which doesn’t exist!)

First off, read this awesome article and then work on your list:

Set Your Goals (Written to women, but men can also benefit from doing this list!)

Here’s my list! (So you can get some ideas)

I will date anyone I’m attracted to at least once.

(I added this bit– to reinforce my belief that I should give every guy I’m attracted to a chance. I believe in dating many people but committing to only those who match specific criteria)

I will only be in a committed relationship with someone who:

• Is a devoted Christian
• Has integrity (Not dishonest, even in small things, not a hypocrit)
• Is Humble (not judgmental and legalistic)
• Respects women as his equal (Not an arrogant, egotistical, know-it-all man who thinks he’s God’s gift to women)
• Believes in my dreams and supports me (doesn’t try to change me)
• Is an optimist (or at least someone who isn’t always negative and cynical)

I will not be in a committed relationship with someone who:

• Is hung up on his ex
• Does not prioritize God above everything (he should at least aim to and have a personal relationship with God-prayerful)
• Has unresolved anger issues (short fuse, bad temper)
• Has a history of cheating
• Drinks heavily or does drugs (or has any addictions he hasn’t dealt with)
• Doesn’t respect my boundaries (sexually or otherwise)

Very Important (But may or may not be deal breakers)

• Introverted (or at least a good listener)
• Not materialistic (appreciates the small things and is laid back)
• Loves to cook (or at least loves to eat, especially ethnic cuisine)
• Outdoorsy and active (or at least concerned with health)
• Cares about humanitarian issues (needy, poor, social injustice, volunteering, serving, ministry, missions)
• Someone I can completely be myself around.
• Isn’t stingy with compliments. (confident and secure enough in himself as a man to dish them out)
• Loves to laugh. Lives to laugh.
• More clean than messy. (or at least has good hygiene)
• Knows who he is, what he wants and isn’t afraid to go after it. (actively pursuing his dreams)

What’s on your list?

• Be yourself, but the best version of yourself you can be.




• Smile to strangers.


Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.

We shall never know all the good that a simple smile can do.

Peace begins with a smile.

Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love.

-Mother Teresa






• Let people leave your presence feeling like they’ve been blessed simply by knowing you.

Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.
-Mother Teresa




• Behave in a way where people feel more hopeful and positive just being around you.




• Give more sincere compliments. They are free and uplifting!




• Always verbalize your appreciation for someone. If it’s just in your mind, it only benefits you. If you share it, it benefits everyone.

Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.
-Mother Teresa




• People are always surprised when you do something for them and expect nothing in return. The norm is selfish gain. Be the pleasant surprise in someone’s world.

Intense love does not measure, it just gives.
-Mother Teresa




• Hug people more.




• Hug people longer. Touch is healing.

(Photo by Kevin Rohr)




• Laugh at life. Laugh at yourself. Use every opportunity with friends to find things to laugh about.





• Forgive people.

I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.
-Mother Teresa




• Live a peaceable life.

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.
-Mother Teresa




• When your body is there, make sure your mind is there too.





• Be fully present, and give people your focused attention.




• I’m convinced people either act out of fear or love in most, if not all situations. Choose to act out of love.




• Look deeply into the eyes of your beloved. Let your goo-goo eyes do all the talking.





• Always give people the benefit of the doubt.




• Don’t let past hurts give you license to unfairly judge the new person in your life. They deserve a clean slate when they’ve done nothing wrong.




• Let kindness be evident in all your actions.




• Kiss him/her and remember the excitement of the first time it ever happened.





• Create a little bit of heaven on earth.




• Remember, love is all we really want and need.

Don’t use people and love things. Love people and use things. -Rick Warren




• Choose to love daily.

Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired.
-Mother Teresa

It’s almost 2009, how is your dating life going to be different this year??

For single women:

1. Look strangers in the eye and smile at them, especially the ones you’re attracted to.

Sometimes women smile at strangers of the same sex, older people and men they aren’t attracted to, because it feels safe. Then they wonder why the ones they like don’t notice them and the ones they don’t like always do! Dating isn’t safe, but it’s the risk that’s all part of the fun and excitement. What’s the worst thing that could happen? They don’t smile back. OH well. What’s the best that could happen? The cute guy thinks you’re cute back and actually approaches you and asks you out! (and you end up getting married and living happily ever after with 2.5 kids in the suburbs with a picket fence…—okay, let’s not get ahead of ourselves!)

2. Make a proactive effort to get out of your safe, comfortable inner circle and meet new people.

That’s the number one way to get your love life started. Think about it. Same faces every week= no new dates.

For single men:

1. Introduce yourself to strangers you find attractive.

Make a goal, like five women a week! It’s a numbers game. Think of every “no” you get as a necessary evil that brings you one step closer to a “yes.” (and the girl of your dreams!)

2. Write down a list of why you are a great catch.

Try to think of at least 30 reasons! Ask trusted friends, siblings or parents if you’re stuck. You need to be confident when you go out into the dating world. What better way to increase your confidence than to spell out exactly why women would be lucky to be with you?

For both single men and women:

Remember, confidence is a choice, not a feeling. Read the awesome article here: How to Become More Confident

(It’s addressed to women, but men, read on. The principles still apply)

For men and women in a relationship:

1. Reconnect with friends you’ve grown apart from because of your relationship. They miss you.

2. Evaluate your life. Is he/she really your number one priority? You can tell by what’s going on with your:

• minutes
• money
• mouth

It’s one thing to say something or someone is your top priority; it’s another thing to prove it through your actions. Basically, does how you speak, who you spend time with, and where you spend your money reflect that this person is the most important person to you?

I hope everyone is enjoying the holidays! Happy New Year!

You’re a single Christian man looking for a Christian woman:

You’re here to make friends: (thanks for this idea Joanna!)

You’re an available female inviting singles to contact you:

Enter the world of Shirt-dating where your t-shirt has not only your nickname, but the website shirtdater.com where they can type in your nickname and get your email address. (I recommend creating a new email specifically for dating so you don’t have random strangers contacting you via your main email)

Wouldn’t that be great, to go out in public and then come home and find a nice message in your inbox, saying,

“Hey I noticed you at the basketball game but I chickened out. You had all your friends with you. Anyhow, I’m so glad you were wearing that shirt. You have a gorgeous smile. My name is Rick…”

Ahhh, what will they come up with next??? I love the idea of getting the message across on a t-shirt that you are single and looking. You look confident, brave, and unabashedly on a mission. There’s nothing wrong with publicizing your desire to date. And if you’re a man on a mission???? That’s hot.

What great gravity is this that drew my soul toward yours?
What great force collapsed my orbit, my false state of wholeness?
What is this that wants in me the want in you?

(Inspired by “Blue like Jazz” by Donald Miller)

Do you think that love is a choice or something that you have no control over????

Can you choose who you fall in love with? What do you think???

Just a movie:

I just saw the movie Seven Pounds with Will Smith. Best movie I’ve seen in a long time. Not a chick flick, I promise. One of those movies where you can’t understand everything that’s happening until the very end… and then it all makes sense and you’re left trying to fit all the puzzle pieces together.

It’s part mystery, part thriller, part love story. 100% amazing heart-wrenching film.

This book is a great little last minute gift if your girlfriend likes a laugh. You guys can go through it together. Here’s an inside peek:

Oh and Food Porn Daily. Love this photo blog. This has nothing to do with dating advice and everything to do with the fact that it’s lunchtime. Have a great weekend everyone!

What I want to eat right now: Beef Stir Fry