Especially for Women: A List For the New Year

The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want. ~ Ben Stein

I wrote this blog post because the top things that women type in google to get to my site are:

Do I like him?
What guys think
Why do I like him?
how guys think

Obviously many women are confused about their feelings for men. From my experience, most men just know what they want, but based on these keywords, women have a harder time gauging their interest. These keywords also show that women maybe so concerned with what guys think that they might possibly fail to take into consideration what they want.

One thing is for sure: FEELINGS are never a clear indicator that a person is a good match.

So instead of relying on your feelings and asking the question, “Do I like him?” you can ask the question, “Should I like him?” Base your decision to like him on qualities he possesses instead of feelings you have. Feelings are volatile. Better to like someone based on something that has substance.

People shouldn’t wait until they are completely blinded by intense feelings for someone to decide what they want in the opposite sex.

Best to do your homework in advance. Now, don’t misunderstand me. There is no perfect person, but creating a list of “must-haves” and “must not have” in a potential partner has its benefits. (It’s recommended to limit your list to just 6 in order to avoid looking for a “perfect” person, which doesn’t exist!)

First off, read this awesome article and then work on your list:

Set Your Goals (Written to women, but men can also benefit from doing this list!)

Here’s my list! (So you can get some ideas)

I will date anyone I’m attracted to at least once.

(I added this bit– to reinforce my belief that I should give every guy I’m attracted to a chance. I believe in dating many people but committing to only those who match specific criteria)

I will only be in a committed relationship with someone who:

  • Is a devoted Christian
  • Has integrity (Not dishonest, even in small things, not a hypocrit)
  • Is Humble (not judgmental and legalistic)
  • Respects women as his equal (Not an arrogant, egotistical, know-it-all man who thinks he’s God’s gift to women)
  • Believes in my dreams and supports me (doesn’t try to change me)
  • Is an optimist (or at least someone who isn’t always negative and cynical)

I will not be in a committed relationship with someone who:

  • Is hung up on his ex
  • Does not prioritize God above everything (he should at least aim to and have a personal relationship with God-prayerful)
  • Has unresolved anger issues (short fuse, bad temper)
  • Has a history of cheating
  • Drinks heavily or does drugs (or has any addictions he hasn’t dealt with)
  • Doesn’t respect my boundaries (sexually or otherwise)

Very Important (But may or may not be deal breakers)

  • Introverted (or at least a good listener)
  • Not materialistic (appreciates the small things and is laid back)
  • Loves to cook (or at least loves to eat, especially ethnic cuisine)
  • Outdoorsy and active (or at least concerned with health)
  • Cares about humanitarian issues (needy, poor, social injustice, volunteering, serving, ministry, missions)
  • Someone I can completely be myself around.
  • Isn’t stingy with compliments. (confident and secure enough in himself as a man to dish them out)
  • Loves to laugh. Lives to laugh.
  • More clean than messy. (or at least has good hygiene)
  • Knows who he is, what he wants and isn’t afraid to go after it. (actively pursuing his dreams)

What’s on your list?

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Article written by:

I love thinking about the intricacies of dating, love and life. I share my tiny lessons in the hope that it helps you as you navigate the dating world.

Join the discussion

  1. Nathan

    Excellent advice, as always. I’ve always been at a loss as to why “follow your heart” is so often considered to be sage advice. In general, the heart is STUPID.

    Or to paraphrase from Jurassic Park, it’s easy for people to get so caught up with whether or not they could, they forget to consider if they should.

    Of course, although we shouldn’t let the heart make decisions for us, there’s nothing wrong with letting it make introductions. And in the end, after your intellect has vetted and accepted an option, the heart still has to be on board in order for it to work.

  2. MidoriLei

    Love this: ” Of course, although we shouldn’t let the heart make decisions for us, there’s nothing wrong with letting it make introductions. And in the end, after your intellect has vetted and accepted an option, the heart still has to be on board in order for it to work.”

  3. Seductress

    Great List MidoriLei!

    And thank you for the link to my article. The beginning of the New Year is a great time to look within and prioritize what we want for ourselves and for our relationships. I recommend it for everyone but especially the woman (or man) who finds themselves dating the “same” person in a different body.

    Sometimes there is a certain quality that keeps drawing us continually to the wrong people. The lists will help shake that habit free.

    The Seductress

  4. hunter

    What I was told recently, is that chemistry is an illusion. How many times have we dated someone, that we had chemistry for, and it didn’t work out?…

  5. MidoriLei

    But I don’t think that chemistry is to blame for things not working out. YOu can have chemistry with someone who you’re not compatible with in other ways and those are the factors that make the relationship not work out… I still value chemistry to a point because I’ve dated people who I “forced” a connection with when there was no chemistry and those relationships not only didn’t work out, but I moved on from them VERY quickly.

  6. hunter

    What is your definition of chemistry? I heard a female therapist define chemistry for men. She calls it, an “erection”.

  7. Pingback: Perfection Will Not Come

  8. Cara

    Your list is basically identical to mine! haha. And this article really helped me figure something out, so thankyou! You give a good logic and some great advice, I think, there was also some stuff that I needed to hear!

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