My church has begun to meet again, with many precautions in place. Social distancing by skipping pews, masks, and sanitizer everywhere. I’ve cautiously started to attend.
I’ve had a few gregarious members try and give a hug or a hand shake and I politely shrug my shoulders, try to smile through my eyes and say, “COVID”. It usually elicits a slightly chagrinned chuckle or a, “fair enough” smile and nod. I have never felt rude or impertinent by setting firm boundaries on what interaction I am comfortable with. Everyone has been very kind and accommodating to congregant’s different levels of comfort.
Until last month.
There was visitor at church.
I briefly spoke to him about where he was from and made some type of lame attempt at a joke about traffic to try and get a chuckle. I used my standard line about COVID-19 when he went for a hand-shake. Then I exited to find my seat.
He followed me into the sanctuary and asked to sit with me.
I was not happy because we are in a pandemic, but understood that I was the first person he had met at church. I sat down and left enough space for 4-6 feet between us. He sat close, which was not comfortable for me, but I made a concession that perhaps he did not take COVID as seriously as I did.
At the end of the service I started to gather my things. He made an innocuous comment about the sermon…
then he asked for my phone number.
And this is where I want to pause and say,
Guys, don’t be a creep.
If a girl does not:
- engage with you,
- have a long conversation
- invite you into her bubble
- maintain eye contact
- leaves a conversation instead of finding ways to continue
- want you to touch her
- lightly touch you
Then she is not into you.
She is not hoping for you to ask for her number. She is being a good human, hoping you feel welcome and secure in your environment, if she engages with you, but it does not mean that she is pining for you.
So, the next time you are thinking of asking for a girl’s number make sure that she
- engages with you
- tries to find ways to extend the conversation
- makes some type of eye contact
- does not look or act uncomfortable
- is ok if you touch her or enter her personal space
- is interested what you are saying
- smiles at you (look to see if the eyes crinkle above the mask)
- laughs at your jokes
- finds a reason to be/stay where you are or talk to you
If you can hit even 3 out of 8 you are clear to flirt and pursue. If you are batting 1 to 0 out of 8: