…your friend. Overly simplistic? Heard it before? Maybe. Probably. Still. It’s a little harder than you think, actually. That’s if you start off dating without first being friends. You have to force yourself to put aside all those hormonal, romantic feelings you have toward this person, all that sexual energy, and simply ask yourself,
“If I wasn’t attracted to _________ would I even want to pursue a friendship with him/her?”
I’ve heard the same story many times. In the end, someone ends up saying something to the extent of, “After the blinders came off, after I saw past the great sex, I thought to myself, we’re so different, I don’t even like this person!”
So maybe marriage isn’t all about love. Wha–?! Hear me out. Maybe “like” lasts longer than the standard, all-consuming “love,” we all refer to. Take this example. I love all my relatives. Deeply. I would give my life for them. But, I don’t actually like some of them. Meaning, if they weren’t my family, I would probably never associate with them by choice. Ouch.
Come on! You know what I’m talking about! There’s always at least one relative you think is annoying, you don’t like their personality, you don’t like some character traits. Stuff like that.
My point is, you gotta marry someone you like. Or as one pretty wise guy once said, “You have to marry someone you like when they’re annoying you, when they’re vomiting in the bathroom, when they’re mad, when they’re sad.” A good friend of mine also said, “When looking for a husband, you have to pick someone who you really like and would be friends with anyways.”
Let me tell you, the best way to figure out if the person you are attracted to is someone you would be life long friends with is to hold off on the physical. Diving into the physical really has a way of blurring your vision and screwing with your logic. If the sex is good, you can rationalize a lot. Great sex can blind you, seriously. But not forever. If you really like someone and see the potential for it to go somewhere long term, remember, it’s not a sprint, it’s a long distance marathon to the finish line we call happily wedded bliss. If you marry this person, you have your whole lives to discover each other’s bodies. Now is the time to discover their mind. ‘Cuz really, isn’t that what our person really is? I think of my body as just this vessel that holds my mind; my mind is what really makes me, me. And although I want someone to appreciate and delight in what my physical body has to offer in terms of sight and touch, if they can hold off on that and first seek to value my mind, that is when “like” really has a chance to become “love.” Marriage is the meeting of minds.
“In marriage do thou be wise: prefer the person before money, virtue before beauty, the mind before the body; then thou hast a wife, a friend, a companion, a second self”