I’ve only gotten two pieces of actual relationship advice from my grandma… the first one applies to ladies.
“If you run, he will follow, if you follow, he will run.”
Mind games? PRETTY MUCH! This is so old skool talk. You decide for yourself if it has any validity. Let’s just say, they don’t call it the dating “game” for no reason…
The other had to do with how my grandmother felt about my grandfather courting her. She made it pretty clear to me that she wasn’t attracted to him. So her second piece of advice…
“Look for a good man. The love will follow.”
Tying in the first piece of advice to the second, I think the reason she was able to “run” and he “followed” is because she wasn’t initially interested anyway!
Well, she didn’t care what he looked like, or the fact that he had a dictator-like aura about him.
Basically she’s telling me, who the heck cares what he looks like! Who cares if being around him doesn’t make your palms sweaty and your heart race?
Yeah. Ummmm… That’s me, raising my hand in the back.
I can’t help it.
I like cute boys.
I blame it on the privileges our post-feminism world affords. More on that later. Possibly, actually, most definitely the media has had an influence.
(Mind you, my version of “cute boy” doesn’t mean he’s cute to everyone else. My best friends know my type. They can spot him from a distance. And believe me, my “type” surely doesn’t garner the same kind of admiration from their point of view. But I don’t care what they think about how he looks. Heck, I guess I don’t care about how he looks, as long as at some point he does make me nervous… makes my palms sweat… makes my heart race. By that time, by all standards, he’ll fit the “he’s cute” bill in my book.)
Back to post-feminism world privileges. Women can work and take care of themselves physically. So the old adage my grandma was probably used to, of finding a husband who has a good job and a good character, regardless of how you feel about him sexually, regardless of your lack of physical attraction… Well, the only thing that still holds up today as far as her advice is concerned is making sure you’re with a man of good character.
Why? Because women can bring home the bacon. (or for all you Adventists out there… the MorningStar Stripples) And because women aren’t ashamed to admit they actually have a sexual appetite and not just any good-hearted, hard working boy with a steady income can satisfy that hunger.
Sometimes I feel shallow because I only date men I’m sexually attracted to….
Then I remember that men display identical tastes to mine, preferences that tend toward the young and professionally pulchritudinous. Women my mother’s age have told me to find a man who would be a good father and provider, meaning: food, shelter, a steady income—stability. I smile and refrain from telling them that I can afford my own food and rent and that my friends and family give me support and love. About the only thing that I can’t give myself is that flush of excitement upon locking eyes (and lips) with a [guy I'm physically drawn to]. -Min Lieskovsky
Yes, I may have much to learn about love since I’m young and naive… but I don’t think I’ll ever settle for a guy who doesn’t in the least tempt me to have inappropriate thoughts. Those thoughts are pure in the context of marriage, but if before marriage, I’m not even tempted to think them…. it’s a BAD sign! If you’re a Christian, read 1 Cor 7: 4. It’s a command. When you get married, your body doesn’t just belong to you anymore. So, if you choose someone you’re sexually attracted to, at least it’ll be more of a pleasure than a “duty” to fulfill!