Dating Advice

Curiosity Wrecked My Great Relationship

curiosity killed the cat

Many years ago I dated the most amazing guy. A newbie to the dating scene, I assumed all men were as wonderful as he was. I thought it was customary to receive flowers all the time “just because” or even personalized roses delivered to my school for a two-month anniversary. It was my first taste of drama-free, carefree puppy love, during a time when you’re both too young to have any responsibilities, both too hopeful about the future to be pessimistic, and both baggage free from being so young and naïve. I was enjoying the ride but slowly started to feel suffocated. I remember the turning point. One day he asked me,

“Do you know why people date?”

Clueless and naïve, I responded with, “To have fun!”

“Yeah, that’s part of it, but it’s to find your future spouse. I know a couple who got married and they were high school sweethearts.”

Crap. My first run-in with my commitment fears. Now I have my share of commitment fears because of failed relationships and friends who are going through divorces. Then, the commitment fears came as a result of my curiosity to see what else was out there. I mean, it was my first taste of blissful romance, why stop now? Plus, I reasoned, I wasn’t too hot about the sound of my name with his. When we broke up it was because my dad thought I was too young, but my best friend told me that my ex would still try to come around, and I would completely ignore him. I don’t remember that. Seriously, I don’t remember being a bitch. Maybe that’s what happens when you’re a bitch. Everyone else around you knows it but you.

Now I look at my yearbook pictures of us together and admit with shame how cute he was and how plain I was. He was this classic all-American cutie with the kind of smile that children are drawn to. To make me feel worse, not only was he a cutie, but I seriously don’t remember a single bad thing he ever did. I remember he would even spend time helping me with class projects to help me out since I was the class president. (He didn’t even go to the same school) He spent hours helping me stuff confetti eggs with scraps of hole-punched paper.

I on the other hand had that weird year of bad hair and a skater look that just didn’t work out to my advantage. I had a lot of things going for me that year that looking back, I clearly didn’t deserve and clearly took for granted. I look at those pictures and think “What did he see in me?” And with more remorse, “Why didn’t I see that he was such a good catch?”

Is it true that you only start appreciating real love once you’ve had your share of heartbreak and failed relationships?

He never told me he loved me, but he said he was falling in love with me. And I ran away.

Why is it that so many women can’t leave a man who continues to hurt them but are so curious to see “what else is out there,” when they’re in a loving, drama-free relationship?

Curiosity. This wonderful thing that leads to innovation, inventions, daring feats. Curiosity. This terrible thing that killed the cat and continues to create a slew of cheaters, heartbreakers, and players.

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  1. dawn

    how sad and true… =/
    you should re-connect with your ex =)
    is he still around, somewhere?..

  2. vegetarianqt

    He’s up north and he’s in a relationship…lucky girl. hope she knows what she has!

  3. Deo

    The exact thing happened to me, except I had truly been in love with him, but was too young to realize it. It has been 37 years since we said good-bye. Just recently I had a very sad dream. I dreamed I was at his grave site crying his death and repeating over and over – “but I didn’t have time to even caress your face my love”. I cried for days on end and would have eventually resigned myself to thinking it was only a dream were it not that the same dream returned in the same week. So for the last year I have been trying to locate him and have finally succeeded. I wrote him a note asking him to contact me via email but giving him the option of total silence and that is what he did – so far no answer – it has been over a month. My point is – do not even try to re-connect. It may be very painful for one or both parties. Put that wonderful memory and feeling in a little box, close it, throw away the key. Nobody needs to know but you. I think that was what my dream was telling me – to bury the memory and move on with the rest of my life.

  4. lesley

    I wouldn’t be so hard on yourself. Sure, you’ve convinced yourself he’s perfect now that you don’t see him all the time, but if you didn’t want to commit, well, then you didn’t want to commit and there’s a reason for that. Even if you ‘can’t remember a single bad thing he ever did. Which might make him perfect, but, boring.

    Sometimes people are fantastic people and you still won’t want to commit. If you were feeling suffocated at that age, imagine how you’d feel now and into the future. Trust your instincts, they’re there for a reason!

  5. Pingback: Proof That I Have the Coolest Best Friend Ever (plus some cool random stuff) | Dating Advice From A Girl

  6. Lydia

    Hmmm, I do this. It’s sad. Everything is perfect and suddenly I start to itch for something else.

  7. Aplus

    Oh yes how true, I am one of those when the going gets good i make a duck for it, just the fear in me.

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