Confidence for Men: Why do you need it and how can you build it?

There is nothing sexier than a confident man. Not cocky but confident. Someone who knows their value. Who knows who they are and what they have to offer.

A man who can hold a conversation, listen, ask questions, keep her interest and make a woman smile.

Confidence brings people in. It makes us want to trust and follow. From coworker’s to dates, someone with real confidence, that’s who people are drawn to.

How can you be confident?

Fake it til you make it. That’s the best advice I’ve ever received. Our thoughts become our habits, our habits become our actions and our actions become our character…the person we are.

If we decide what confidence looks like, then take daily steps in that direction, eventually we will arrive at our goal.

How do you eat an elephant?
One bite at a time.

Consistent habits, small daily investments in what you value is how you build what you want. Small steps in the same direction is how you arrive at your destination.

What are things we can do to build confidence?

1. Exercise


Looking good is only a bonus to this marvelous gift from God. The most important benefits are:

  • We become stronger. I know when I have to carry heavy stuff, it feels good to be able to do it by myself and not have to wait for help: Confidence.
  • When we exercise we increase our ability to deal with stress. I used to think it caused ‘happy endorphins’, but this article gave me  a bit of clarity. Dealing with stress like a boss: Confidence.
  • Things in motion stay in motion.  As we age, that is an important concept to remember.  We will grow old, but we can maintain independence and mobility through the habit of exercise.
  • Exercise keeps us from being lazy.  I know when I am working out, I am more apt to help people who need help because it’s not as hard for me to get up off my rump to assist.
  • Weight lifting builds bone density.  No one wants osteoporosis, so lift weights.

2. Learn something.  And learn it thoroughly.

I was out with Paulo, my mango, (read about that here) and he told me a story that had me drooling for him. He was at a restaurant and the waiter kept bragging about how he was a genius at chemistry.  He said he let it go for the first few initial interactions, but the guy kept pressing about how good he was.  To the point it was obnoxious.  So Paulo politely asked him if he knew (insert some smart and impressive sounding chemical process).  The waiter fumbled through something that was off by miles.  Paulo let it go with the waiter, but I asked him if he knew it.  He proceeded to explain, in depth, something chemical with some type of process. He knew what he was talking about and was humble about it.

My house took in a couple of inches of water during Hurricane Harvey this year.  I left town,  didn’t realize there had been water until it was too late.  I ended up having to pull out 4-6 foot of sheet rock because the mold had set in so much.  I was overwhelmed and unsure of what to do or how to do it.   After a couple of days of fumbling with just myself and a girl-friend, I asked for help.  8 volunteers showed up and after brief instructions they set to work.  Then came my boss (yes, I have a day job).  He is a kind and caring man.  He establishes strong relationships with people and really cares about them.  He brought in a Sheet-rock Saw (is that a thing?) and with in an hour had my house finished.  I wanted to follow him.  He earned my undying gratitude through his kindness, but also because he really, really knew what he was doing he has my respect and easy acquiescence in most matters.

3. Have good posture

Walking straight and tall, sitting up instead of slouching…Mom was right.  This is solid advice because it is directly connected to how we feel about ourselves. When you have good posture, you have strong confidence.  This article goes more into depth and even has science to back up Mom’s advice.

4. Take care of yourself

Everyone has a different style.  Wear what you are comfortable in, but make sure your clothes are clean and fit correctly. If your style is baggy and worn out, consider an update. Remember the saying “Power Suit”? There is a reason that came about. Men in suits exude confidence. This transfers into

Have good hygiene (shower daily, wear deodorant, brush your teeth, brush your hair, shave or have proper facial hair).

Improve your looks if you need to (white strips, tweezers for a mono-brow, regular hair cuts, find a hair style that looks good on you, make sure your facial hair looks good – not a soft teenager or wild/lazy style).  If you are not sure what you need, find a girl-friend to help you and give you tips.

It is amazing the difference that I feel when I am in ill fitted clothes with my hair in a messy bun and no make-up, versus put together.  Taking care of yourself is a confidence builder!

4. Set goals

As you set small goals and you accomplish them you get to mark them off your list.  You can count that as something you conquered and feel good about it.

I remember when I wanted shelves in my bathroom.  Honestly, I know as much about hanging shelves as I do about chemistry (NOTHING).  But, I wanted these shelves!  So, I set the goal.  I you-tubed, called my dad and you-tubed some more.  Then I did it. I hung my own shelves!  I felt so smart, so resourceful, so capable, so CONFIDENT.  I marked it off my list and counted it as something I had accomplished.

So, find what you think will make you confident and make it your habit.  For more reading on becoming confident and the importance of confidence, I loved this blog post from lifehacker.

What do you think? Any tips on becoming confident?

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I love thinking about the intricacies of dating, love and life. I share my tiny lessons in the hope that it helps you as you navigate the dating world.

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