I love coffee. I mean absolutely love it. The only real item I have on my bucket list is to have a cup of Kopi Luwak coffee. Sure, there are other items that are on the list, but that is the one thing that I really REALLY want to do. And it’s not like walk in and try it. I want it to be an event. I a mid morning light drizzle of rain with a crisp autumn bite in the air. I want my foodie friends with me. I want the right clothes, great hair and clear sinuses. I want it to be perfect…Just like everyone wants their relationship to be perfect.
I love coffee just enough to draw legitimate comparison between relationships and coffee. May I present 10 Ways Coffee is Like a Relationship, for your reading pleasure.
Sweet or bitter: The choice is yours
Are we talking about coffee here or the relationship? However you like it, the choice to keep it and consume it is yours.
Reasons to wake up
There have been many weekends where the only thing that got me out of bed was the thought of my perfect cup of homemade coffee. Or the thought of the exciting day I had planned with my wonderful partner.
When I think of coffee, I immediately think of a relaxing morning in my kitchen, cooking to soft music. Or a quiet drive to work through the trees with talk radio in the back ground. It takes me to happy, soothing moment. Just the act of making it with my French press brings me a little bit of peace. And if I have time to drink it out of my favorite coffee mug (“Think Happy, Be Happy”), forgetaboutit…it’s going to be a great day.
This is how I think of relationships. When I think of my married friends, or my friends in long-term relationships, I think of the smiles they have when they talk about their partner. I think of the praises they sing of the good qualities they found in their significant other. I think of the times I have played third wheel at dinner, game night or a party and the looks they have for each other, the inside jokes they have, the ease of their interactions.
That. All of that is what I think of when I think of happy. A relaxing moment with your best friend. Be it coffee or your partner.
The smell is perfect
There is something about a coffee shop that makes you breathe in deep and saturate your olfactory senses with the deliciousness in the air.
The same with your partner. They have a scent. A smell. A perfect description of them that you cannot get enough of. Snuggled up tight you inhale their hair. Hugging good-bye you inhale their neck. Their scent is perfect and you love it.
Everyone has their own taste
My mom likes her coffee virtually boiling. It has to have a shot of espresso with ¾ cup of milk and no sweetener.
My dad likes instant coffee, warm with two equals.
I like my coffee black, but the perfect balance between water and coffee where I have the flavor, but I don’t pucker my lips.
My uncle likes his coffee black, like his soul.
And just like everyone has a preference for how they drink their coffee, so do people have a specific mindset of how their relationship should be. Which is why relationships take so much work. Two imperfect people coming together with their own mindset of how things should be done and why they should be done that way. Each coming with their own filter formed by their life experiences. And when their partner tries to make the relationship like they like their coffee, well, they are doing it wrong.
Differences arise. It needs more cream. Less sugar. Warmer. Cooler. Milk not cream.
This is why we must work to understand our partner. Communicate our needs. Be patient, willing to work and willing to grow together. You won’t change the way you like their coffee, but you can meet in the middle. You can learn how to make their coffee for them. And they can learn how to make your coffee for you.
Let’s hang out
One of my favorite Girlfriend “Let’s Catch-Up” Dates is over a cup of coffee. Finding a unique coffee shop with specialty blends and chatting for hours about love, life and liquefying assets…is there anything more luxurious? I think not.
Unless it is the ability to have a built in partner to do anything with. Road trip? Yes. Movie night? Yes. Dance class? Yes. Cooking class? Yes. Work out? Yes. Ice cream? Yes. The possibilities are endless.
Oh caffeine and endorphins. How can we complain? Unless we have too much caffeine and get jittery or our love starts acting shady and endorphins are replaced by cortisol…
Shall we compare?
Dates Gourmet brands
Yes, the love of both can be expensive.
Sometimes you need it, sometimes you don’t.
I did not start drinking coffee until I was 30 years old. I had a roommate that LOVED coffee. From fresh ground beans to making her own espresso. A true connoisseur. I was on the other end of the spectrum. Even the smell irritated me. The two times that I had tried in in college, during all-nighters, I could not get past the first sip.
All of that changed in one 12 hour period. I was on a trip and woke up not feeling quite myself. The only thing that sounded good, remotely appealing was the hotel coffee in a Styrofoam cup. And I was converted. From never, no-how-no-way, to every morning in less than a day.
Relationships ar like that. There is time when we need nothing more than to find ourselves, be by ourselves, develop and discover who we are alone. Then there are other times when we are ready to share the joys, thrills and burdens of life with a partner.
10. Parting is such sweet sorrow
There are times when I decide to give up coffee. And the headaches are miserable. For a time, then they pass, like everything else. And I move on. Eventually I start drinking coffee again. A different brand, or a new coffee maker and it is new and wonderful and perfect.
Such is love. There is times when we must accept that a relationship is not for us. Our heart will break. It will hurt.
Oh, it will hurt.
But time will heal it. We will move on. And when we are ready we will try again. Taking what we have learned, be it from coffee or our past, and use it to make a new and wonderful and perfect relationship.