If you’ve been following my blog for some time, you might remember that I once wrote about how Character Trumps Chemistry.
I wanted to write a follow up article on that subject. In an ideal world of course you would have both character and chemistry. You would be with a person who was both good and who gave you butterflies. But, if you had to choose one over the other, character trumps chemistry.
I’m reminded of this time and time again now that I’m a married woman with married friends. I see wives spin their wheels and want to pull their hair out or get divorced. Why? It’s because they married the guy who they only had chemistry with. Those men didn’t have the character traits of a good human.
I’m talking about stuff like generous, sacrificial, selfless, faithful, loyal, kind, hardworking, courteous, etc…
It seems quite obvious but worthy of just spelling out.
MAKE SURE YOU MARRY A GOOD PERSON.
Don’t let the rush of Dopamine and Oxycontin in your body make you forget what matters most. After all the flood of chemicals in your body subsides, you’re going to be stuck with a flawed human. Does the human of your choosing have flaws you can actually live with?
Some women chase after the chemistry in hopes that one day their man will change. Maybe she can change him?
My advice is this.
TAKE HIM AS HE IS.
Wouldn’t you rather just marry a man whose character you love and admire and respect? It would be a much better scenario to not have the drama of your life be all about trying to change him.
I’d rather the drama of my life be about my spouse and I pursuing our highest dreams together. There’s drama in raising good little citizens. There’s drama in building our nest egg together. There’s drama in doing home improvement projects and traveling the world. And of course there are bad dramas like going through life’s inevitable heartaches together. (aging parents, health issues)
Believe me, you will have drama in your life. I’d rather that drama come from inevitable external sources. I don’t want that drama to come from the fact that I married a man who I didn’t accept AS IS. I don’t want the drama of spending a lifetime trying to figure out how to change him so I’m not miserable.
If you choose chemistry over character, your partner’s attractiveness over time will decrease. His true colors will show. Honey, you will forget how he swept you off your feet in light of present day grievances.
If you choose character over chemistry, your partner’s attractiveness over time will increase! Character does wonders for aging. When a person is beautiful on the inside, it lasts MUCH longer than if they were just beautiful on the outside.
My mamagrand had it right all along when she said, “Find someone good, and the love will follow.”