For Girls

Beauty is a Beast

This post is for the ladies. I’ll have to admit that I have a love hate relationship with beauty. Physcial beauty is so amazingly powerful, yet it is something that fades with time for every woman. Sad huh?

A couple of weeks ago, Nate took me to a hockey game. It was after two weeks of being sick (read: not exercising) I’m the kind of person who doesn’t lose their appetite just because I’m under the weather. I sat in the passenger’s seat feeling oh-so-down on myself because my previously comfortable jeans were now uncomfortably pinching at my stomach. I looked down and saw a roll of flab and poked at it.

“What’s wrong baby?”

“I’m feeling depressed because my jeans are uncomfortable and I can tell I’ve gained weight just in the last two weeks of being sick.”

He looked over at me and reached at my waist band.

“Well there’s no need to be uncomfortable on top of it. Just unbutton the top button and relax.”

When guys gain a little weight, it’s not the end of the world. It’s just a variable in life not at all linked to emotional grief.

But for many women, including myself, just a little bit of weight gain will send us down a very horrible path of feeling out of control, emotional, depressed, and on top of that moody, not the kind of person I want my husband to be around when we’re trying to have an enjoyable date night at a hockey game.

So it makes sense that Nate just wanted me to be comfortable.

He knows me through and through, and this is what he said:


“Baby, don’t put your worth in your appearance. You know it all fades in the end. You know age is going to take it away. You know, I don’t love you just because you’re beautiful.”

And I needed to hear it, but I didn’t want to hear it, because deep down I know that’s exactly what I do. My worth as a person has always been tied to my appearance. And I know it’s true, I know that beauty will fade and age will take it away from me eventually, but I didn’t want hear it, you know? I wanted it to be that elephant in the room that nobody talks about.

I didn’t realize until that moment that my worth as a person has been always tied to my appearance. It was almost shocking to hear someone say it out loud.

But because my husband knows me through and through, he had to speak the truth in love.

And I cried like a little baby. And he hugged me and comforted me. And then I unbuttoned my top button, zipped up my pants and covered the unbuttoned button with my jacket so I could breath easy the rest of the night.

We had an amazing evening. I forgot all about feeling down on my looks and I enjoyed the game. We even won the kissing contest on the jumbo tron! We won a dozen pink roses and I ended up drying them and putting them on our side table in the living room as a reminder forever of that evening and what Nate taught me:

I’ve been thinking about this ever since we had that conversation. If I don’t want to place my worth in beauty and my appearance, something that is temporal, then where should I place it in? I want to place it in something lasting.

I’ve decided I’m going to find my value and my worth in the fact that I’m alive. I’m going to choose to just be happy, not because of some accomplishment (losing weight, earning a living through blogging, etc…) not because of anything that I can do or be. I’m going to choose to be happy just because I’m alive.

I’m valuable and I have worth because God has chosen to give me life.

God has put breath in my body, a mind to think and grow in wisdom and knowledge, hands to type and write my ideas. He has given me purpose and vision and insight. I have worth just because I have life.

Grasping this idea changes everything.

So ladies, what is the lesson here?

    1. Find a man who loves you for more than just your looks,

    1. and find the courage to let go of the idea that your value is at all related to your appearance.

If you are reading this, you are alive. God has put you here on earth for a purpose, and just because of that, you have worth.

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I love thinking about the intricacies of dating, love and life. I share my tiny lessons in the hope that it helps you as you navigate the dating world.

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