I answer comments from men who want to know what to do to make their girlfriend/wife happy. First, I tell them it’s not their responsibility to “make” their woman happy. Women have to choose contentment in life just like men do. No man needs that kind of pressure of feeling like they are in charge of a woman’s happiness. On the other hand, a man can always make an effort to be a good parnter, thus creating an environment where a woman can feel secure and loved.
I suggest knowing their love language and meeting their needs through their language. I also let guys in on a woman’s greatest need.
Beyond that, I think that men need to feel confident in their ability to be a good partner.
Here is my response to one commenter:
You really cannot force someone to be with you, all you can do is provide the best environment for them to thrive.
Ultimately, men need confidence so that they are operating in love and not fear. Those two cannot co-exist. Perfect love for someone casts out fear.
Maybe the best way to love a woman is to stop trying to please her and just enjoy the time you have together. Show her you are the man for her by being confident in that and by loving her the best way you can. Internally you know what this is. Your gut tells you when you are being kind, considerate, thoughtful. You know when you are treating people well and when you’re not.
There are too many factors in love and in life in general that are beyond your control, and when your focus is set on the things you cannot control (will she leave me? What does she think of me? ) then you are bound to be worried and stressed and fearful.
But, if your focus is on what you can control, (You can love her as well as you know how, you can make sure she knows how you feel, you can make her a priority, you can keep things exciting by planning dates and not just letting things “happen,” you can be a good listener) that is when you feel like you hold the reigns in your life. That is when you will gain confidence to live your life without so many doubts.
Once your mindset changes in this regard, your confidence will show. And I tell men and women, there is NOTHING, NOTHING sexier or more attractive than confidence and someone who is self-assured. It’s a belief thing. Your belief will cause others to believe.
So the first step is for you to BELIEVE you have what it takes to be with this girl. She is just a girl. You are just a guy. Don’t elevate her to this pedestal she does not belong on. Bring her back to earth. She is flawed just like you are. You are lucky to be with her as much as she is lucky to be with you because you are on equal standing.
Do you believe this?
One more thing. I read this somewhere and find it to be true:
“Stress is the perceived sense that you’re not in control”
So, to not be stressed about the outcome of your relationship, the answer is to focus on what you can control, not what is out of your control.