Dating Advice

About Shy Guys…

shy guys

So he hasn’t made a definite move yet? Hmmm… Here are some possibilities:

(1) He’s just not that into you. I know, I know, it sounds harsh, but it’s a possibility. In order to protect myself from heartache, this is what you should always assume is going on until you absolutely know otherwise. Meaning, he tells you in the declarative that he’s interested. By doing this, you give him motivation to make things clear and, you also protect and guard your heart from getting to attached to something you’re not even sure is there.

(2) He’s into you, but he’s shy and it will take him more time to express himself…but I hesitate to mention this as a possibility, because it’s so overused as a universal excuse for why a guy isn’t pursuing a girl, when actually #1 is the reason. And the result is that the girl thinks, “Well, I’m not shy, so I’ll just help him out a bit,” and she basically pursues him.

(3) He’s into you, but he’s waiting for more confirmation that his attraction to you is not just a passing attraction. Men are attracted to many women. Women assume that because they are attracted, that must mean they want a relationship. That’s not true. Guys who are not shy will jump before looking, but shy guys tend to be more deliberate about their decisions in general. They think before they speak, and they also think before they act. This is actually the best possibility, because it means he’s thinking about you in that way. He may also be doing his research on you, and laying the groundwork of a good friendship, without previously engaging your heart. You know, and I know that your heart is already somewhat engaged, but he probably doesn’t know this, since you’re not assuming more than is verbally stated (#1) and thus acting accordingly. Way too many men make the mistake of securing a woman’s heart first, then trying to decide if she’s actually The One. True Love would approach romance from the opposite end: deciding if she’s more than just eye candy and then and only then securing her heart.

-Adapted from a myspace message from my good friend and mentor, Jacki, a math teacher in Korea

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Join the discussion

  1. danielle

    number 3 is probably the most adult n sensible approach to any serious relationship i have ever seen described, thats really good advice!

  2. cele

    I fall into category #3 however whenever i have met a woman that I really thought was a good potential, she ended up going off with another guy who was one of those act-before-you-think guys. so, while i agree that #3 is ideal as a good foundation, it tends to be very frustrating for me since the women seem to reward the guy who mindlessly goes after whatever he sees. so in the end, the woman gets hurt because she ended up with the guy who won her heart and decided later that she wasn’t the one. the shy guy #3 gets hurt because the women mistakenly think that a guy taking his time is sign of hesitation or weakness….at least that it what it looks like from where i stand

  3. Huni

    @vegetarianqt…I friggin love ur article…i have lived in this example…ugh!

    @cele….it’s not that shy guy #3 is thought of as weak, but women like to feel “desired” by a man….unfortunately most of you #3’s in all of your extreme caution kind of move slowly & think logically while most of us women think EMOTIOnally. While we are riding an emotional roller coaster of anticipation in our hearts/minds we get antsy, and there is ALWAYS some goon who is panting after us…showing us attention/affection…we tend to go that way even if we secretly wish it were YOU giving us the energy…I know I have a Shy guy#3, and I almost lost left him for a mindless flatterer…lol

    The problem isn’t ONLY w/guy #3 another vantage point is that the woman who walks out on shy guy may be emotionally immature, and possibly insecure. So keep doing what you’re doing…but hey dont make “shy” a 4-5year issue…lol


    Nice post! Thanks! =)

  5. V

    Screw you guys. This blog is all fantasies and unrealistic!

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  7. Pingback: - For a Woman: What to do if you are interested in a guy who’s practically a stranger

  8. Isabell

    Subscribed to your weblog, thank you

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