6 Ways to Drastically Increase Your Chances of Getting Asked Out

“When the flower blooms, the bees come uninvited”
– Ramakrishna, 19th century Hindu sage

When I was teaching high school, there was this one girl who stood out. She was a junior, and all the senior boys wanted her. It was really fun and interesting to watch it all play out. What I noticed was that she was a happy, smiley kinda girl. It didn’t hurt that she was cute, but she wasn’t cute in the typical way you’d expect. She was not a snobby cheerleader type. She was actually a little heavier than average, but she had a winsome smile and an ease about her. She was not intimidating. She looked approachable, and when guys did talk to her, they felt comfortable and they always walked away looking like they had a great time.

You can be this girl.

Here are six ways to drastically increase your chances of being approached by men:


1. Look your best every time you go out in public.

Every time? That’s kinda over the top, you’re thinking. Well, I did promise you drastic results and to achieve these results, you need to take over the top measures. Notice how I didn’t tell you to drop 15 lbs, although for many women, this will help! But what I did advise was something that you can do right this very minute, no waiting involved. It doesn’t matter how you look or how much you weigh right this very moment.

You have the potential of looking your best as you are right now. So do it! Put effort into looking your best every time you go out in public.

Why do I say every time? Not just when you go to a banquet, a wedding, or a formal event? I say this because guys don’t just choose those dressed up events to ask women out. I’ve been approached walking out of a bank, working out at the gym, doing temp work, while I’ve been tutoring, walking home from school, sitting in a lobby, going to church, while on jury duty, playing basketball, and going dancing.

Guys will ask you out as long as they have enough guts and they find you attractive. So look your best!


2. Have good posture and look up.

Having bad posture doesn’t seem like a huge thing, but to men it is HUGE! I’ve known guys who don’t find women attractive merely because of their bad posture! Bad posture says you are not confident (confidence is the most attractive quality in a woman).

If you don’t look up, your body language is closed off. You don’t look inviting. Instead you carry an invisible sign that says,

“Go away, there’s nothing for you here.”

And that’s exactly what the guys will do, they will go away.

On the other hand, if you have good posture and look up, you are showing confidence. You are inviting others to join you. Your body language is open. You don’t want to have your nose up in the air, but you don’t want to have your head held low, looking at the ground.

Walk in like Sandra Bullock does after her makeover in Miss Congeniality. Great posture, head held high.

3. Look attractive men in the eye as you walk past them and smile.

Number 2 + Number 3 makes you confident AND inviting. Without number 3, you don’t appear approachable. Think of Angelina Jolie in The Tourist:

The key is to smile, no teeth! That way you look warm, approachable, and inviting, and not creepy! Smiling with teeth is creepy at this point.


Walk into a room owning it. Walk into a party smiling and looking for people you know and greet them with a big hug and with enthusiasm. It feels natural to not look at attractive men in the eye, but you have to go out of your comfort zone. You have to look them in the eye AND you have to smile.

Sometimes that’s all it takes for men to feel like they have the green light. A smile is a green light to a man. It is an encouragement to them. You might be afraid that if you smile, he won’t smile back. Oh well! That’s the biggest rejection you have to deal with! Give a guy a break! He’s the one that has to actually approach women and deal with a REAL VERBAL rejection. Help him out! It’s just a smile. It could be taken as you just being a friendly person… or it could be encouraging a man, showing a hint that you’re interested.

So MANY pretty girls! [17AUG08: Wicked Jazz Sounds at SugarFactory Amsterdam]

4. Be in circulation.

My mom used to say this to me when I was single. Basically it means that you need to say yes to as many invitations to be out of your apartment, mingling with people, seeing new faces. You can’t expect the FedEx man to ask you out! You have to go out to be noticed. You don’t care for art but you were invited to an art gallery opening? Say yes. You don’t know who will be there! Go to that art gallery even if you have no interest in art and practice the first 3 points I’ve made.


5. Start a conversation.

Of course I don’t encourage women to ask men out, but I don’t think there’s any harm in talking to attractive men! Just keep the subject neutral, not showing interest but being friendly. This will encourage the man even more than you just smiling. He’s thinking, We’re already talking. She could be into me. What do I have to lose? I’ll ask her out.

Here are some suggestions on what to say when you are at specific places.

At the Gym: “Um, can I ask you something? What muscle groups does that exercise work?”

At the Grocery Store: “Excuse me, can you help me reach that box of Panko on the top shelf? I’m so vertically challenged. {smile}”

As he reaches for an item: “Have you had that before? Is it any good? I’ve always been curious.”

As you’re both looking at the same group of items: “OMG, there’s so many choices! I always feel so overwhelmed by the selection!”

Jealous Women: How To Increase Your Self-Confidence

6. Don’t give a sh*t about the outcome.

Think about it. Because you’re only being friendly, you risk nothing! Nothing you say should be a dead giveaway that you’re interested. Read: no compliments.

Be that girl who just likes to interact with people just because you know it brightens people’s day to be noticed, acknowledged, and spoken to.

I know being married, I find myself being more friendly to men (not flirty) just because I know that they see my wedding ring and won’t interpret my friendliness as anything else. This is how you should be with men you are attracted to, even if they are strangers! Have the confidence of a married woman who interacts with men by having the mindset:

I have nothing to lose. I don’t care if he likes me or not!

I’ve had a single guy say, “Man, if you weren’t married!” and to that I said, “Aww you’re sweet. But I AM married and that is so NOT appropriate!” I smiled so he wouldn’t feel too bad and walked away. I didn’t want him to feel awkward, but I also wanted to send the message that I’m not the girl to try to flirt with!

The point is, being friendly, smiley and approachable, and not giving a sh*t about impressing a guy (but still looking your best) is what separates guy magnets from girls who don’t get asked out.

Good luck ladies! Remember, guys are always looking! Let’s help them out a bit.

If you want private, personal advice on your specific situation, I offer email and phone consultations. Click here to learn more.

Worth a Passing Glance

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Article written by:

I love thinking about the intricacies of dating, love and life. I share my tiny lessons in the hope that it helps you as you navigate the dating world.

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  1. James

    Point number six! This is the best one of them all. And then I saw you had a whole article on oneitis down below. Great point. I tell this to people all the time – the moment your decisions become outcome based you lose and the other person wins – usually at your expense. Great work.

  2. deb

    this is a really great article….i sort of figured all these things but it’s a mixture of being lazy and a fear of rejection and just not feeling good enough that keeps me from doing them consistently. When a really attractive guy says hi to me, i immediately think about all my flaws (emotional, mental, bad habits..etc not physical) and think nope, he wouldn’t want me if he really knew me. I need to get past it!

    • MidoriLei

      deb, thank you. I understand the lazy and fear of rejection part. I think deep down we are all worried that when someone REALLY gets to know us, they won’t like/love us. That’s pretty reassuring to know that. So the point isn’t that we need to be perfect to be a good partner, the point is that we as humans need companionship, so we should make an effort to connect with people of the opposite sex because of that. Believing that we all have this same fear makes it a lot easier.

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