25 Best Pieces of Relationship Advice I’ve Learned in 25 Years

I made this list last year around New Year’s! Enjoy;)

(Note: Because I’m a Christian, it would make sense that some of the best advice I’ve been given has origins from the bible, other Christians or Christian books. FYI: This article is full of biblical references. Apologies to those unfamiliar with the context.)

1. A word on boys from my Mamagrand: If you run they will follow, if you follow they will run. Basically, women, don’t chase a man, let him chase you. The surest way to get your heart broken is to initiate a relationship. Give him time to notice you. Do you think Adam would have appreciated Eve if he hadn’t first named all the animals and noticed that he was missing a helper? Allowing him to lead the relationship is training ground for him to play his role as a leader, and it is training ground for you to learn how to submit. (He initiates, you respond)

How to act: (women)
If you are not interested: distant
If you are interested but he hasn’t made a clear move: warm but distant
If you are interested and he has made a clear move:
Warm and appreciative

How to act: (men)
If you are not interested: warm but distant
If you are interested: warm and attentive

2. My daddy: (three things to look for in a guy) Find someone who isn’t from a broken home, who doesn’t have mental illnesses that run in his family, and who’s good to his mamma. (advice given somewhat sarcastically)
Remember also that subconsciously you tend to look for a man who has characteristics like your dad or a woman who has characteristics like your mom, so be proactive about what traits you don’t want to bring into your marriage.

3. Never date a man who is proud that he doesn’t read. He’s telling the world, “I know it all,” or, “I’m lazy,” or “Learning is not a priority.” A woman can never change a man. Change has to be self-propelled; when you date a reader, you date someone who is open to change. The man who’s proud he doesn’t read will also be the man who refuses to get counseling when your marriage is on the rocks.

4. Be wary of men who don’t have close male friends. This means he only has girl friends (do you want him dishing out your problems to other females?) or he has no friends (In the end you want to marry someone who is like your best friend, and if he doesn’t have friends, there’s a reason).

5. Remember this about men: All men universally want three things:

To find a beauty to save (he wants to feel needed)
To play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure (he wants to have a purpose beyond himself)
To be a hero (he wants to be respected)
(Wild at Heart by John Eldridge)

6. Remember this about women: All women universally want three things:

To be beautiful (she wants to be desired)
To play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure (she wants to have a purpose beyond herself)
To be romanced (she wants to be loved)
(Captivating by John and Staci Eldridge)

7. Be wary of a man who has a history of dating dumb women. When a man accepts a woman who has looks but no brain, what he wants is a pretty doormat. (from my friend John)

8. When you like a guy, tell only your girlfriends that don’t know him, preferably those in a different state. (until you and him are official)Trust me on this one.

9. Date a person who has a full life without you, not men/women who “cannot not be in a relationship.” Remember in the end, TWO shall become ONE. That means 1+1= 1, not ½ + ½ =1 (mathematically that doesn’t make sense but relationally two people need to be whole [fulfilled on their own] before they link their lives with each other)

10. Give people freedom. If you love someone let him go. If he comes back, he’s yours. If not, he never was.

11.Women, wear a scent that has vanilla extract. Allan: “Men are naturally drawn to vanilla.”
Men and women: If you want to be remembered, have a signature scent. That way when they smell the signature scent, they will associate it with memories with you. This doesn’t work if you wear multiple scents.

12. Look for someone who loves to laugh. What’s a good marriage? If after 25 years together, they frequently laugh together; that’s a sure sign. I’m happiest around my parents when I hear them laughing together about an inside joke. They prove that couples can be serious about their commitment to each other, but not take each other or life too seriously.

13. Good catches: A geek who can play sports. A musician with a job. A “bad boy” in love with Jesus.

14. Don’t give it up before marriage. Men have basic needs. God made it this way: To satisfy hunger, he eats. To satisfy thirst, he drinks. To satisfy the sex drive, he gets married. Do not deviate from this plan.

I met him, I liked him
I liked him, I loved him
I loved him, I let him
I let him, I lost him.

Dee: Men give love for sex, women give sex for love. (When you give sex prematurely, you give him less reason to extend the love)

15. Don’t rely on just your looks to get a good catch. Marshall brain: “ …only a tiny population is startlingly attractive. The rest of us have other gifts. Live with it.” Plus, looks fade anyway, so make sure you have more to offer so that when that fades, his/her attraction to you doesn’t fade with it.

16. The worst thing you can tell a man (through your words or your actions) is that he is weak or unrespectable.

17. The worst thing you can tell a woman (through your words or your actions) is that she is ugly or undesirable.

18. Make close friends with people of your own gender. Why? For guys, everyone needs a wingman. For women, unless you marry them, most likely you will be replaced by a girlfriend or a wife. Half the fun of going through a relationship is sharing the details with your girlfriends anyway! Don’t kid yourself into believing that your close relationship is purely platonic. Through the duration of a close male/female friendship, there is always a point when the relationship moves beyond platonic in the eyes of one or both parties.

19. Don’t judge someone by their appearance. (But there should be a spark since you don’t want your wifey/husband duties to be a chore!) Look at their heart.

If God is love, then true love happens when you find God in the heart of another.

20. Refuse to initiate relationships with men: Consider Proverbs 18:22 “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord,” or Proverbs 31:10 “Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies.”

A reminder of who’s the treasure and who’s the finder.

Role check = Reality check.

21. Women, (looking to settle down) never accept a man without a stable job. A man’s primary roles are to protect and to provide. Men, never accept a woman who refuses to let you lead. A woman’s primary roles are to submit and to help.

22. Never tell a man/woman that God told you you two were meant for each other. Don’t use the “thus saith the Lord” tactic. It’s tacky. If he told you, don’t you think he’ll tell him/her too?

23. Treat your body with respect. God will hold you accountable for the things done in the body. Our bodies are never our own. Paul:

If you are single, your body belongs to God (1 Cor 6:19-20)

If you are married, your body belongs to your spouse. (1 Cor 7:4)

Act accordingly.

24. Be different. Coco Chanel: To be indispensable, one must always be different. And remember, by being your authentic self, you are automatically different!

25. The best way to find the person God has for you is to ask him to be your matchmaker. Just surrender this area of your life to him. Ask him to

1. Choose your spouse
2. Make it clear to you
3. Make it clear to him/her

And if he/she hasn’t come along, He’s still preparing him/her for you, and God is still teaching you how to love someone; remember, being PATIENT is the first element of love. (1 Cor 13)