Yup, overwhelmed with the load I’ve placed on my own shoulders.
I’ve realized that working full time as a writing tutor, having a boyfriend, writing daily for two blogs, replying to dating concerns from readers, managing an online dress shop, and my current addiction to hiking can’t all fit into my life at this moment.
Datingadvicefromagirl.com is getting the ax at least until July. (at which point, I’m going to try to incorporate more multimedia, pod casts, video pod casts, and possibly an online tv webisode type thingamajig. script in the works!)
More good news?
I’m still responding to your dating concerns by email. So feel free to ask the girl a question! Or, like many readers have done, feel free to rant or rave about your latest dating adventure. Let me be your sounding board.
See you in July!
p.s. by the way, MidoriLei kimono style dresses make the perfect unique gift for your woman, and ladies, they’re great to wear on dates! Come check them out! (haha, my moment of shameless self-promotion)
It’s a feeling I can’t control because the heart wants what it wants, and a part of me can’t control who I’m attracted to, drawn to, or have chemistry.
But a part of it is a choice– a commitment to hold on to this person I have chemistry with— forever, with the realistic view that this person is not going to always be as perfect as they seem right now.
It’s living with the realistic view that it’s not always going to be easy, and I’m not always going to want this person as strongly and as passionately as I do now–
But when those times come, I’ve backed up my feelings with a decision to stay through it all.
Why?
Because the feelings are volatile.
They come and go.
It’s my commitment that is forever.
It shouldn’t change like the feelings.
So the answer to the question, is love a choice or a feeling?
Well, it’s both.
Basically this kind of love does not waver and is not impacted by the lover’s actions.
It’s saying what this song is saying, that you’ll NEVER take your love away. That’s real love. The ultimate love we’re all seeking.
I WILL NOT TAKE MY LOVE AWAY
Matt Wertz
I will not take my love away
When praises cease and seasons change
while the whole world turns the other way
I will not take my love away
I will not leave you all alone
When striving leads you far from home
And there’s no yield for what you’ve sown
I will not leave you all alone
I will give you what you need
In plenty or in poverty
Forever, always, look to me
And I will give you what you need
I will not take my love away
(Taken from Captivating. The chapter on “Beauty to Unveil”)
Read this ladies!
Beauty is what the world longs to experience from a woman. We know that. Somewhere down deep, we know this to be true. Most of our shame comes from this knowing and feeling that we have failed here. So listen to this: beauty is an essence that dwells in every woman. It was given to her by God. It was given to you…Beauty is powerful. Beauty may be the most powerful thing on earth.
Beauty speaks.
Beauty invites.
Beauty nourishes.
Beauty comforts.
Beauty inspires.
Beauty is transcendent.
Beauty draws us to God.
As Simone Weil wrote:
The beauty of the world is almost the only way which we can allow God to penetrate us…Beauty captivates the senses in order to obtain permission to pass straight through to the soul…The soul’s inclination to love beauty is the trap that God most frequently uses in order to win it.
Beauty is the most essential and, yes, the most misunderstood of all the feminine qualities. We want you to hear clearly that it is an essence every woman carries from the moment of her creation. The only things standing in the way of our beauty are our doubts and fears, and the hiding and striving we fall to as a result…
So then you can see that when we speak about the essence of a woman–her beauty– we don’t mean “the perfect figure.” The beauty of a woman is first a soulish beauty. We know– it’s a harder jump to make. We’ve lived so long under the pressure to be beautiful. But stay with the thought for a moment, because it will really help. The beauty of a woman is first a soulful beauty. And yes, as we live it out, own it, inhabit our beauty, we do become more lovely. More alluring. As the poet Gerard Manley Hopkins wrote, “Self flashes off frame and face.” Our true self becomes reflected in our appearance. But it flows from the inside out…
The essence of a woman is Beauty. She is meant to be the incarnation–our experience in hman form— of a Captivating God. A God who invites us.
Chill out:) Don’t think of it as an interview where you’re being judged and evaluated. (even though you are!)
I had a friend come and visit me during the holidays. He brought two other guys with him. Usually, I get into this frantic cleaning mode and get all stressed out, until I realized something that I realize applies not only to having house guests, but also applies to dating.
It’s not about impressing people.
It’s not about entertaining people.
The focus should be about fun andfriendship (or with dating– hanging out and getting to know people)
As soon as I realized that people are responsible for their own enjoyment on a date (or as my house guests) and I don’t need to impress anyone (I just have to be myself) I realized that people put their own set of pressures on themselves. They set out to impress instead of just being themselves. They make it their responsibility to make everyone happy and make sure everyone is enjoying themselves. Then they don’t enjoy themselves. It’s self-defeating and pointless. If you date someone who also thinks it’s your responsibility that you’re both having fun, it’s better to find out sooner than later so you can ‘call it a night’ early and move on to people who make having fun and enjoying themselves their own responsibility! And why try to impress? If you’re being yourself from the get-go, I think you’ll impress people because you’re self-assured and at peace with yourself. Now that’s attractive.
So, I encourage you to give yourself a little pep talk before every date. Repeat after me:
I’m here to have fun and enjoy myself, but I’m not responsible for any one else’s enjoyment or happiness. I’m here to get to know someone and allow them to get to know the real me, but I’m not here to impress them, put on a show, or entertain.
